Letters To Hope
by redvelvetjade
Summary: Hope Is Like A Star It Rises It Falls it's fleeting, faulting, fading but it's undying. If They can hold on through the tears and the laughter will they find the hope they are searching for? More tragedy and more damage then one child should bear they bare scars that may never heal. Cade ,Cam, Tandre pairings. iCarly crossover slightly.
1. Chapter 1 Intro

**Letters To Hope**

" _There's not enough rain to wash away the sins in these children' s lives"_

Sam's life is turned upside down fresh out of Juvie for the god knows how many time she's promised her best friend and life's rock Carly that she would change for real this time. After all every kid has got to grow up at some point in their life right?

Except her life heck her luck even had never been on her side it's never what Carly would say kind. So why should it start now? Carly makes a selfless choice but she wasn't ready for what life threw at her next.

Dark menacing eyes a permanent scowl painted on her face a soulless gank yes she's heard it all but what no one understands is why the pale Gothic sullen Jade is the way that she is. Except one person.

She is the only one who Jade has trusted with her secret the hellish reality that Jade has called home for the last 16 years.

A home so riddled in secrets and lies it would make a fantastic reality show.

Cat Jade's best friend her polar opposite in every way she's bubbly she's positive and happy she loves unicorns and rainbows. Some people think she's naive but cute it's always made people fall in love with her and want to protect her but what will the naïve and cuteness bring her when she's left alone?

Cat and Jade best friends since they can remember they swore years ago to always be each others rocks so when Jade's storm inside her erupts to the outside world and she makes a choice she can't undue Cat's there, but their friendship leads them on a journey Cat is not prepared for.

Aaron Miller Shy and cute your typical teenager in many ways he's hard working and respectful the perfect boy every girl wants to bring home to momma. Till that one night Aaron makes a mistake and gets into trouble for most boys it would mean a long lecture they would need to get a job and take responsibility for their mistake there would be tears and anger but forgiveness even excitement from their family but Aaron in this way is not like most typical boys.

Aaron is Amish and his recklessness cost him everything.

Zariah and Aisha two 16 year old girls living in one of the smallest towns in Vermont. Their normal fun loving music lovers who love to dance and go to clubs they hate school but love foreign boy bands. They go to church regularly they lead their youth group they hold down steady jobs and help out their families in their businesses. They get good grades even though they hate school their funny, bright and fight for what they believe in. their trusted and respected in their community ..They were trusted till they are caught making their greatest mistake.

What was their mistake?

They fell in love..With the wrong person..

Each Other...

Freddie was just trying to escape his mother's craziness her over protectiveness he wanted answers to his past.

Who his father is? Why he never got to know him? Why his mother refuses to talk about him? Why she freaks out when his name is mentioned?

Shane was use to being treated like a outsider his own father disowned him his grandmother banished him. His one savior his mother. She was his protector, his biggest fan. Supportive and loving and encouraging.

She was wise and funny and adored and loved by millions.. Shane was use to people coming to his mom for help in solving world problems like hunger and poverty and peace..it comes with the job of being the people's princess like her role model Princess Diana she took it to heart when someone called to her for help. Like Diana she put her son first though and Shane knew he was always protected with her by his side.

Shane's greatest fear comes to life one night in Paris just like her role model her biggest fans and strongest enemies repeat their past mistakes and in one final fast, bloody motion Shane's life is shattered like glass on the pavement.

His only escape ? America but things aren't as grand in America as the media sells people on.

Miley was a country girl in her heart and soul she had the twang and the country music brewing in her blood. She was dreaming of stardom she idolized her dad she misses him and dreamed of true love just like it plays out in the movies.

She dreamed of an easier life a way to escape the constant bullying by her peers and her mother she longed to grab a star and ride it far away.

After tragedy strikes her for the Final time she takes the greatest risks grabs her siblings and runs.

Tori and Andre, Andre and Tori best friends since they met two years prior they have everything in common they love the same music and movies they both hate when people hurt animals and they both think their teacher is insane but brilliant at the same time. They are perfect for each other and their the only ones who didn't see it . When they finally wise up and take the plunge things get messier then they ever dreamed they thought it would be beautiful but Tori's dad turns in into a disaster. Deeply in love they give in to their passion and then life really gets complicated so they do what they have to to Survive and hold on to each other through tears and laughter. They promise together forever they can beat the odds.

" _There's not enough rain to wash away the sins in these children' s lives_"

Few people know their names or faces they are what we call children of the night . America's lost little faces. They come in millions silently protected by nights cape.

They are deemed untouchable, unreachable but they are not unlovable..in reality they are crying out for love clinging to the hope that one day they will be worthy of it..

America's street children...Who are they? What are their stories? Each child has one. Where did they come from? How do they survive? Do they Survive?

What keeps them going? They all have different stories and back rounds but they have two things in common they have no where else to go except the harsh, cold friendless streets they are hungry and hurting they are crying out to be saved but routinely they are brushed off as unimportant. Yet every kid clings to one thing ..What is that one thing? Hope...Hope to get off the street, Hope for a meal that fills their bellies. Hope of love acceptance, Hope that the pain they face every day vanishes.

Every day America loses 13 kids to the street but there are some people who care.

People Like Sister Khloe who devotes her life to making a safe haven for kids in crises. Father Brad who spends millions every year to keep their shelter in the news who goes out to the streets to spread awareness and hope to the scared, lonely searching kids. Who risks his life to stop the perverted, sick pimps and traffickers who sell and buy kids.

Jenna a young women who was once a street kid who went through Haven who now gives back to save others. Even if it means risking her life by taking on the streets and the people who own them.

**A/N I would welcome any suggestions as to what people want to see what each of these kids faces when they hit the streets. Feel free to make any suggestions but please be nice, no rude comments.**

**Thank you to anyone and everyone who favored me followed me or commented on my past stories you make me smile. Follow me on twitter mileycfan4eva jmmcfan samandcat4eva samandcatareone [ my cats twitter]. Let me know if u follow will shout you out. Much love everyone. **


	2. Chapter 2 Now I Lay My Head Down

**Now I Lay My Head Down To Sleep**

**February 18th 2015**

**A/N Sorry for the slow updates my work schedule was brutal this week plus shopping for my dad's wedding every night left me no time to update but I'm back for now ..I wanted to take the time thank a special reviewer Jazzy2297 for inspiring my new twist on my Starting point. **

**Do I own Victorious? Yes in fact I do I am a alien that has possessed the mind and body of Dan Schneider therefor. I can claim ownership..at least till I get called back to my home plant till then yes...I own it all baby..I dream in Grande proportions? Hey dream big or go home right? Lyrics to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep belong to Nicki V.**

The Music started a slow almost angelic beautiful melody it's soft notes filling every fiber, every nook and cranny in the old brimstone church . It was heavenly I saw all the 5,698 worshipers bowing their heads. While I sat smiling from the sidelines at the alter . My eyes took it all in from my loud and rambunctious nine year old son Zachariah Paul Bradley who at any normal service would be trying to sneak his D.S under his robe to eying the pretty girls winking smiling and whispering while his mother my wife Atarah would be quietly trying to scold him. Today he sat silent bowing his head looking like a angel deep in prayer.

His older brothers Obadiah Nadab Bradley 16 stood at the right of the alter holding the American Flag solemn his eyes coasted out into the audience. His Brother Misheal Laban 14 stood next to Mrs. White our choir director holding music for our accompanist.

Both boys were flirts who normally had to be separated from any female under 18 they were relentlessly always collecting numbers flirting and have even been caught making out with girls during services.

Today they were pillars of quiet reserved reliable strength gone was the flirtatious indifference to church going in its place a strong dedicated devotion.

Last but never least my twin girls ten year old's Abigail Anna and Damarias Elisha who took great pleasure in tormenting Zach often ganging up on him yelling out some embarrassing habit he has to any cute girl he would be eying up. Sticking signs on his back that said things like Kick Me or I Smell Like Farts" Kiss My Butt Warts" making faces at him as he would be reciting bible verses which always made him mess up because his nerves would make him shake. They were always giggling in church and being told to shut-up by Atarah.

Today they sat with bibles in their laps hands clasped in front eyes cast up in the sky in wonder and questions.

Questions that as a middle age man of god I still have no answers for .Frustrating not only for their little minds but for all of us gathered here today.

So what makes today so special?

Why is the church so full that not only is every pew filled the balcony is over crowded and the standing area is packed past capacity.

It's not the start of Lent that has everyone bowed or the anticipation of hearing me preach about the true meaning of Lent.

No..So..What is it?

Well maybe the question is not what but Who?

It is for the fifty -six thousand kids and teenagers who we served this past year alone at Hope's Haven in all our cities and countries.

It's for the 13 hundred that stayed in our shelter in NYC last night and the 11 thousand who were housed through the year.

This is for the two million youths who have found themselves homeless in the past year.

This is for the 1.5 million children who go without sleep every year this is for all the kids had to give up each day.

" Safety"

"Comfort"

"Privacy"

"Dignity"

" Self-respect"

"Reassuring Routines"

" Adequate heath care"

"Uninterrupted schooling"

" Sustaining relationships"

"Community "

"Love"

"Respect"

"Trust"

"Warmth"

"Food"

This is for the 200 kids who have died last year from being out on the streets.

This is for the 789 trillion who died world wide from hunger and poverty.

Today however is also a celebration ..

A celebration of Life..Hope..of moving past hope and bridging from hope into Life...

We are here at the Bridges of Hope Crossings for the 1500 kids who made it off the streets and entered our program last year.

What is our program and who are these kids?

Who am I? I bet you have a lot of questions. Well let me answer them as best as I can.

Who am I? Well I am a man of many colors of many robes and many roles I am not just a man of God. I am a son even though my parents will deny their part in my existence. I am a uncle and a brother I am a husband and a father in more then one way.

I am a friend a mentor and a boss I am a voice.

My voice has gotten me through some of the hardest times and has lead me to the road of victory more then once.

I am Father Benjamin Bradley the head priest of St. Hope and Victories church at Broadway and 42and street in New York City.

I am also the director of Hope Haven the only shelter in all of NYC that takes in only Kids and Teenagers who have no where else to go.

These kids turn to us for help when their lives are in such bad shambles they don't even recognize who they are or who they were any more. It's not easy admitting you need help for these kids it's even harder because the people who they trusted to take care of them to guide them and shelter them are often the very same people who hurt them and abounded them the worst.

For them to come to us they need to want to change and be committed to helping themselves which is not easy when the habits that we want them to quit are the same ones that have gotten them through these awful years.

For these kids they have made that commitment and stuck to it.

That's why we are here today .. The Bridge From Hope Ceremony is our annual service we hold every year for the youths who have entered our Hope To Bridges after a kid enters Hope's Haven their given a choice work to help better themselves give up their habits and rituals they need to focus on getting a job or going to school and getting a plan for their futures.

If they agree to it they are given a apartment to began a transitional living program which addresses the long term housing needs of our young people. Its goal is to provide an environment that mirrors the reality of independent living but allows young people the opportunity to make mistakes without ending up back on the streets.

The Program also provides transitional housing services to young single mothers and their children.

They are in the program for a year to prove that they can function on their own what we try to do for these kids who come through our doors is get them to a place where they can learn to live independently most who have lived on their streets have never learned the simplest things that we take for granted. Like being on time for meetings or work they never learned how to cook or shop and live on a budget save money or do chores like cleaning and washing. Bridges teaches them how to learn to do their own shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and they even socialize with their "neighbors," often sharing meals and developing friendships with them. While learning these important life skills, Bridges To Hope residents are also required to complete their education and hold down a job .

During their stay, residents have ongoing access to counseling services as well as educational and vocational programs.

Without financial stability, living independently can be nearly impossible. Our goal is to break the cycle of homelessness once and for all, ensuring that our kids are never on the streets again. Therefore, BFH residents are required to turn over part of their salary to Hope's Haven, That money is placed into a savings account and returned at the end of a resident's stay. These savings are critically important to help young people get started in their own places.

Upon completion that is monitored and determined by our counselors they are given access to their bank accounts and we assist them in getting their own apartment or house. They are officially on their own even though most chose to stay in contact with us, it's a bittersweet day for all of us were all happy when a young person succeeds but we are always sad to see them go they do become a part of our family we treat them as our kids. We feel their pain and frustrations we share in their victories and we cry when they mess up. Sometimes it's a gut wrenching program and it takes everything in all of us to get through it but we keep going because for every one kid we lose there are ten others who succeed.

These kids ..My kids..Our Kids..God's kids they are unique as their stories everyone special everyone inspiring every one heart breaking.

Like the girl standing out front of the choir her eyes still adjusting to the bright lights and the packed church her eyes darted nervously around her eyes which once would of always been alert and ready to signal her feet to run at the first signs of trouble. Now focused steadily on one spot a stain glass window of Mary and the baby Jesus.

A year ago today she was laying flat on the pavement in front of our doors left for dead like a common street rat.

Now she stood tall and proud she looked like a goddess her porcelain skin glowing her eyes shining with only a slight nervousness a leg tremor and a hand twitch. She had her reasons to be nervous to be afraid.

However like every kid here she has a remarkable strength , ask any counselor or employee that was working here her first few months. They never though they would get her to come out of her shell she was so depressed and scared she wouldn't come out of her room she just curled up under her covers which were pulled up over her tiny body she would shake and cry but she never talked or ate. She was hopelessly underweight and needed to be tube feed.

Yet she was here today by the grace of God and by the tender loving care of our staff and by her own inner strength . She took a look at her friends and took a deep breath all her friends smiled at her encouraging her. A big feet for these kids who didn't have much to smile about less then a year ago.

Encouraged she turned around and right on cue she opened her mouth which let out the sweetest angelic voice ever..

" _Now I lay me down to sleep _

_Is a song you can still sing_

_Cause I'm still here_

_I'll always be near_

_I'm just a whisper away _

_Don't You cry and don't lose hopelessly_

_Cause I can fly and I will soar _

Her voice steadily climbed with each note kids were putting their arms up heaven bound. Big tough as nails hardened kids with nothingcan make me cry attitudes were now fully openly weeping.

All of them embracing the words because its true our kids every one of them can soar.

_And I will meet you_

_Where you are _

_I'm never more then just a whisper away_

_If You ever wonder_

_If I'm safe and sound_

_Well you can rest in knowing _

_I've been found _

_I am loved and_

_I am home..._

Home

Where had her home been before? Once upon a time, where had it been for the past two years?

What's her name? What does she look like? How old is she? She has a story ..She's here to tell it..Listen.

_There's a love that will hold us together_

_until we see each other again _

_until that time_

_Mom and Dad close your weary eyes_

_I'm never more then just a whisper away _

_Now I lay my head down to sleep_

She didn't look 18 she looked much younger barely old enough to be out of middle school but like so many of our youths she was forced to grow up too fast, too young.

There weren't many dry eyes the lyrics were simple " Now I lay my head down to sleep" but for the life of a homeless youth nothing is simple not when their question next would be " where can I lay my head down to sleep tonight? Where is any place safe?

Slowly the last note faded away a hush fell over the crowd as the girl went to the podium one more glance at her friend who nodded encouragement.

She waited for everyone to settle before she started to speak her voice shaky with nervous.

_What is home to you?_

Slowly calmness took over her and her voice steadied unlike the tremors in her hand and legs or her racing heart or the flush in her pretty face.

She refused to back down though she looked over the crowd meeting eyes with as many as she could no one answered it wasn't really a question to be answered outwardly as it was inward.

I watched as Obadiah who has crushed on her from the first day and has taken a special interest in helping her come out of her shell slowly day by day. He scanned her 'tight' as he would say body but he remained frozen as she spoke.

_Home to me was the loving arms of my beautiful mom the one who never spared kissed or hugs who made the night time monsters go away by tickles and giggles who read to me and played with me who helped me study and never lost patience._

_It was the sweet aroma of fresh baked cookies the ruffles of hair the dodging of footballs, car parts, BBQ with Sunday games._

_It was my father bringing me roses for no reasons other then I was his beautiful sweet princess his baby doll. His one and only daughter his beautiful treasure as he called me. It was getting to chose where I wanted to go for my birthday it was home made packed lunch with notes from mom with enough to share._

_It was my older brother teaching me to dance chasing me around the house forgetting bed times sneaking downstairs at Christmas time to see what we got trying to catch Santa. It was singing Broadway songs at the top of our lungs as we ran around the yard mom chasing us laughing at us to be quiet, camp fires in summertime roasting marshmallows singing songs and telling ghost stories it was catching lighting bugs screaming as he put them in my hair or ears._

_Home was laying on the beach with my friends tanning as we shared secrets and learned how to kiss it was planning our futures and dreaming big._

_I miss my dog she was one of my best friends.._

_She was loyal and always happy to see me with her excited barking and running around._

_In short home was beautiful to me not perfect but it was mine and I loved it._

_So why did I leave?_

_I have my reasons their not yours to judge so please don't try._

_Wait till you hear them_ ..

She stepped back to let one of our youngest stand up she was so short she needed a step stool to reach the mic her beautiful smiling parents helped her.

I stood clutching my bible as the 18 year old turned away she beamed a gorgeous smile at me opening her arms which I easily embraced. She left my arms to go back to those of her best friend who took her hand kissing it she beamed a even brighter smile at her.

Looking at her best friend I felt a tear working its way down my face if there ever was an angel sent to walk this earth in Jesus clothes it was her our modern day nomad. Her words still haunt me..

_Father I shouldn't have to fight for a place to lay down my head"_

She's right she shouldn't none of these kids should have to . A year ago she was hunched over the toilet bowel vomiting so violently her whole body was shaking in convulsions eyes rolling back.

I could still see the weariness in her eyes after all you can't take a lifetime of hurt and fear and get rid of it all in one year.

We never give up trying to though.

The two girls now tightly holding hands smiled brightly one with long silky hair one with short choppy hair one was short weighing a healthy weight of 120 lbs .

Finally after a year long struggle the other while at a much healthier weight then she had been months before was still only 94 lbs. It was a far cry from her 79 lbs she weighed when she came in to us her body was so ravaged by disease, famine, fever ,colds, pneumonia, drugs and pain. The doctors had given her months.

Who is she? What does she have? How did she get it? Her eyes were still swollen her left one so badly damaged she may never regain full vision and her back still so hurt she needs more surgeries all which are very expensive to try to repair her damaged nerves.

Why?

After all these years of working with homeless youth I think I can never be shocked ever again.

Then I meet another girl like her or I met a sensitive boy who I knew was everyone's walking target.

Back in his hometown school you can hear them whisper amongst each other . I look again her words still made me shiver now.

_For the longest time father I believed that this was what love truly means_

_I associated love and pain as one and the same_

_I got to thinking _

_I don't want to be loved_

_If I'm not loved _

_I won't get hurt_

That sound ..it was my heart breaking.

Smiling laughing clapping all these kids were now experiencing them for some it was the 1st time to ever know that feeling for most it had been too long since they had previously known it.

Row after row of teens and their babies some on their hips some holding their kids hands or placing them on their shoulders.. their words rung in my ears..

_He told me to get rid of it_

_I refused_

_I got rid of myself_

_He called me trash..he said it wasn't his_

_Father I call them dates_

_Tricks are for kids and I ain't a kid I'm having a kid but I'm grown I'm 15 not 5_

There's no typical homeless kid they come in all sizes colors from all back-rounds.

_I don't know where I belong father_

_I know where I feel at home_

_Home that seems so far away though like a illusion was it ever real?_

I shake my head in wonder as I glance at the young man with his arms wrapped around two girls he was 17 now and he looked plenty at home. He was confident and smiling as he sang his heart out he wasn't the scared 15 year old that I first met lost and alone.

So where does he live? Why was he lost? How was he found?

Deep breath I told myself as I opened my mouth all eyes on me.


	3. Chapter 3 Now I Lay My Head Down prt 2

**Now I Lay My Head Down To Sleep**

**February 18th 2015**

**A/N Sorry for the slow updates my work schedule was brutal this week plus shopping for my dad's wedding every night left me no time to update but I'm back for now ..I wanted to take the time thank a special reviewer Jazzy2297 for inspiring my new twist on my Starting point. **

**Do I own Victorious? Yes in fact I do I am a alien that has possessed the mind and body of Dan Schneider therefor. I can claim ownership..at least till I get called back to my home plant till then yes...I own it all baby..I dream in Grande proportions? Hey dream big or go home right? Lyrics to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep belong to Nicki V.**

The Music started a slow almost angelic beautiful melody it's soft notes filling every fiber, every nook and cranny in the old brimstone church . It was heavenly I saw all the 5,698 worshipers bowing their heads. While I sat smiling from the sidelines at the alter . My eyes took it all in from my loud and rambunctious nine year old son Zachariah Paul Bradley who at any normal service would be trying to sneak his D.S under his robe to eying the pretty girls winking smiling and whispering while his mother my wife Atarah would be quietly trying to scold him. Today he sat silent bowing his head looking like a angel deep in prayer.

His older brothers Obadiah Nadab Bradley 16 stood at the right of the alter holding the American Flag solemn his eyes coasted out into the audience. His Brother Misheal Laban 14 stood next to Mrs. White our choir director holding music for our accompanist.

Both boys were flirts who normally had to be separated from any female under 18 they were relentlessly always collecting numbers flirting and have even been caught making out with girls during services.

Today they were pillars of quiet reserved reliable strength gone was the flirtatious indifference to church going in its place a strong dedicated devotion.

Last but never least my twin girls ten year old's Abigail Anna and Damarias Elisha who took great pleasure in tormenting Zach often ganging up on him yelling out some embarrassing habit he has to any cute girl he would be eying up. Sticking signs on his back that said things like Kick Me or I Smell Like Farts" Kiss My Butt Warts" making faces at him as he would be reciting bible verses which always made him mess up because his nerves would make him shake. They were always giggling in church and being told to shut-up by Atarah.

Today they sat with bibles in their laps hands clasped in front eyes cast up in the sky in wonder and questions.

Questions that as a middle age man of god I still have no answers for .Frustrating not only for their little minds but for all of us gathered here today.

So what makes today so special?

Why is the church so full that not only is every pew filled the balcony is over crowded and the standing area is packed past capacity.

It's not the start of Lent that has everyone bowed or the anticipation of hearing me preach about the true meaning of Lent.

No..So..What is it?

Well maybe the question is not what but Who?

It is for the fifty -six thousand kids and teenagers who we served this past year alone at Hope's Haven in all our cities and countries.

It's for the 13 hundred that stayed in our shelter in NYC last night and the 11 thousand who were housed through the year.

This is for the two million youths who have found themselves homeless in the past year.

This is for the 1.5 million children who go without sleep every year this is for all the kids had to give up each day.

" Safety"

"Comfort"

"Privacy"

"Dignity"

" Self-respect"

"Reassuring Routines"

" Adequate heath care"

"Uninterrupted schooling"

" Sustaining relationships"

"Community "

"Love"

"Respect"

"Trust"

"Warmth"

"Food"

This is for the 200 kids who have died last year from being out on the streets.

This is for the 789 trillion who died world wide from hunger and poverty.

Today however is also a celebration ..

A celebration of Life..Hope..of moving past hope and bridging from hope into Life...

We are here at the Bridges of Hope Crossings for the 1500 kids who made it off the streets and entered our program last year.

What is our program and who are these kids?

Who am I? I bet you have a lot of questions. Well let me answer them as best as I can.

Who am I? Well I am a man of many colors of many robes and many roles I am not just a man of God. I am a son even though my parents will deny their part in my existence. I am a uncle and a brother I am a husband and a father in more then one way.

I am a friend a mentor and a boss I am a voice.

My voice has gotten me through some of the hardest times and has lead me to the road of victory more then once.

I am Father Benjamin Bradley the head priest of St. Hope and Victories church at Broadway and 42and street in New York City.

I am also the director of Hope Haven the only shelter in all of NYC that takes in only Kids and Teenagers who have no where else to go.

These kids turn to us for help when their lives are in such bad shambles they don't even recognize who they are or who they were any more. It's not easy admitting you need help for these kids it's even harder because the people who they trusted to take care of them to guide them and shelter them are often the very same people who hurt them and abounded them the worst.

For them to come to us they need to want to change and be committed to helping themselves which is not easy when the habits that we want them to quit are the same ones that have gotten them through these awful years.

For these kids they have made that commitment and stuck to it.

That's why we are here today .. The Bridge From Hope Ceremony is our annual service we hold every year for the youths who have entered our Hope To Bridges after a kid enters Hope's Haven their given a choice work to help better themselves give up their habits and rituals they need to focus on getting a job or going to school and getting a plan for their futures.

If they agree to it they are given a apartment to began a transitional living program which addresses the long term housing needs of our young people. Its goal is to provide an environment that mirrors the reality of independent living but allows young people the opportunity to make mistakes without ending up back on the streets.

The Program also provides transitional housing services to young single mothers and their children.

They are in the program for a year to prove that they can function on their own what we try to do for these kids who come through our doors is get them to a place where they can learn to live independently most who have lived on their streets have never learned the simplest things that we take for granted. Like being on time for meetings or work they never learned how to cook or shop and live on a budget save money or do chores like cleaning and washing. Bridges teaches them how to learn to do their own shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and they even socialize with their "neighbors," often sharing meals and developing friendships with them. While learning these important life skills, Bridges To Hope residents are also required to complete their education and hold down a job .

During their stay, residents have ongoing access to counseling services as well as educational and vocational programs.

Without financial stability, living independently can be nearly impossible. Our goal is to break the cycle of homelessness once and for all, ensuring that our kids are never on the streets again. Therefore, BFH residents are required to turn over part of their salary to Hope's Haven, That money is placed into a savings account and returned at the end of a resident's stay. These savings are critically important to help young people get started in their own places.

Upon completion that is monitored and determined by our counselors they are given access to their bank accounts and we assist them in getting their own apartment or house. They are officially on their own even though most chose to stay in contact with us, it's a bittersweet day for all of us were all happy when a young person succeeds but we are always sad to see them go they do become a part of our family we treat them as our kids. We feel their pain and frustrations we share in their victories and we cry when they mess up. Sometimes it's a gut wrenching program and it takes everything in all of us to get through it but we keep going because for every one kid we lose there are ten others who succeed.

These kids ..My kids..Our Kids..God's kids they are unique as their stories everyone special everyone inspiring every one heart breaking.

Like the girl standing out front of the choir her eyes still adjusting to the bright lights and the packed church her eyes darted nervously around her eyes which once would of always been alert and ready to signal her feet to run at the first signs of trouble. Now focused steadily on one spot a stain glass window of Mary and the baby Jesus.

A year ago today she was laying flat on the pavement in front of our doors left for dead like a common street rat.

Now she stood tall and proud she looked like a goddess her porcelain skin glowing her eyes shining with only a slight nervousness a leg tremor and a hand twitch. She had her reasons to be nervous to be afraid.

However like every kid here she has a remarkable strength , ask any counselor or employee that was working here her first few months. They never though they would get her to come out of her shell she was so depressed and scared she wouldn't come out of her room she just curled up under her covers which were pulled up over her tiny body she would shake and cry but she never talked or ate. She was hopelessly underweight and needed to be tube feed.

Yet she was here today by the grace of God and by the tender loving care of our staff and by her own inner strength . She took a look at her friends and took a deep breath all her friends smiled at her encouraging her. A big feet for these kids who didn't have much to smile about less then a year ago.

Encouraged she turned around and right on cue she opened her mouth which let out the sweetest angelic voice ever..

" _Now I lay me down to sleep _

_Is a song you can still sing_

_Cause I'm still here_

_I'll always be near_

_I'm just a whisper away _

_Don't You cry and don't lose hopelessly_

_Cause I can fly and I will soar _

Her voice steadily climbed with each note kids were putting their arms up heaven bound. Big tough as nails hardened kids with nothingcan make me cry attitudes were now fully openly weeping.

All of them embracing the words because its true our kids every one of them can soar.

_And I will meet you_

_Where you are _

_I'm never more then just a whisper away_

_If You ever wonder_

_If I'm safe and sound_

_Well you can rest in knowing _

_I've been found _

_I am loved and_

_I am home..._

Home

Where had her home been before? Once upon a time, where had it been for the past two years?

What's her name? What does she look like? How old is she? She has a story ..She's here to tell it..Listen.

_There's a love that will hold us together_

_until we see each other again _

_until that time_

_Mom and Dad close your weary eyes_

_I'm never more then just a whisper away _

_Now I lay my head down to sleep_

She didn't look 18 she looked much younger barely old enough to be out of middle school but like so many of our youths she was forced to grow up too fast, too young.

There weren't many dry eyes the lyrics were simple " Now I lay my head down to sleep" but for the life of a homeless youth nothing is simple not when their question next would be " where can I lay my head down to sleep tonight? Where is any place safe?

Slowly the last note faded away a hush fell over the crowd as the girl went to the podium one more glance at her friend who nodded encouragement.

She waited for everyone to settle before she started to speak her voice shaky with nervous.

_What is home to you?_

Slowly calmness took over her and her voice steadied unlike the tremors in her hand and legs or her racing heart or the flush in her pretty face.

She refused to back down though she looked over the crowd meeting eyes with as many as she could no one answered it wasn't really a question to be answered outwardly as it was inward.

I watched as Obadiah who has crushed on her from the first day and has taken a special interest in helping her come out of her shell slowly day by day. He scanned her 'tight' as he would say body but he remained frozen as she spoke.

_Home to me was the loving arms of my beautiful mom the one who never spared kissed or hugs who made the night time monsters go away by tickles and giggles who read to me and played with me who helped me study and never lost patience._

_It was the sweet aroma of fresh baked cookies the ruffles of hair the dodging of footballs, car parts, BBQ with Sunday games._

_It was my father bringing me roses for no reasons other then I was his beautiful sweet princess his baby doll. His one and only daughter his beautiful treasure as he called me. It was getting to chose where I wanted to go for my birthday it was home made packed lunch with notes from mom with enough to share._

_It was my older brother teaching me to dance chasing me around the house forgetting bed times sneaking downstairs at Christmas time to see what we got trying to catch Santa. It was singing Broadway songs at the top of our lungs as we ran around the yard mom chasing us laughing at us to be quiet, camp fires in summertime roasting marshmallows singing songs and telling ghost stories it was catching lighting bugs screaming as he put them in my hair or ears._

_Home was laying on the beach with my friends tanning as we shared secrets and learned how to kiss it was planning our futures and dreaming big._

_I miss my dog she was one of my best friends.._

_She was loyal and always happy to see me with her excited barking and running around._

_In short home was beautiful to me not perfect but it was mine and I loved it._

_So why did I leave?_

_I have my reasons their not yours to judge so please don't try._

_Wait till you hear them_ ..

She stepped back to let one of our youngest stand up she was so short she needed a step stool to reach the mic her beautiful smiling parents helped her.

I stood clutching my bible as the 18 year old turned away she beamed a gorgeous smile at me opening her arms which I easily embraced. She left my arms to go back to those of her best friend who took her hand kissing it she beamed a even brighter smile at her.

Looking at her best friend I felt a tear working its way down my face if there ever was an angel sent to walk this earth in Jesus clothes it was her our modern day nomad. Her words still haunt me..

_Father I shouldn't have to fight for a place to lay down my head"_

She's right she shouldn't none of these kids should have to . A year ago she was hunched over the toilet bowel vomiting so violently her whole body was shaking in convulsions eyes rolling back.

I could still see the weariness in her eyes after all you can't take a lifetime of hurt and fear and get rid of it all in one year.

We never give up trying to though.

The two girls now tightly holding hands smiled brightly one with long silky hair one with short choppy hair one was short weighing a healthy weight of 120 lbs .

Finally after a year long struggle the other while at a much healthier weight then she had been months before was still only 94 lbs. It was a far cry from her 79 lbs she weighed when she came in to us her body was so ravaged by disease, famine, fever ,colds, pneumonia, drugs and pain. The doctors had given her months.

Who is she? What does she have? How did she get it? Her eyes were still swollen her left one so badly damaged she may never regain full vision and her back still so hurt she needs more surgeries all which are very expensive to try to repair her damaged nerves.

Why?

After all these years of working with homeless youth I think I can never be shocked ever again.

Then I meet another girl like her or I met a sensitive boy who I knew was everyone's walking target.

Back in his hometown school you can hear them whisper amongst each other . I look again her words still made me shiver now.

_For the longest time father I believed that this was what love truly means_

_I associated love and pain as one and the same_

_I got to thinking _

_I don't want to be loved_

_If I'm not loved _

_I won't get hurt_

That sound ..it was my heart breaking.

Smiling laughing clapping all these kids were now experiencing them for some it was the 1st time to ever know that feeling for most it had been too long since they had previously known it.

Row after row of teens and their babies some on their hips some holding their kids hands or placing them on their shoulders.. their words rung in my ears..

_He told me to get rid of it_

_I refused_

_I got rid of myself_

_He called me trash..he said it wasn't his_

_Father I call them dates_

_Tricks are for kids and I ain't a kid I'm having a kid but I'm grown I'm 15 not 5_

There's no typical homeless kid they come in all sizes colors from all back-rounds.

_I don't know where I belong father_

_I know where I feel at home_

_Home that seems so far away though like a illusion was it ever real?_

I shake my head in wonder as I glance at the young man with his arms wrapped around two girls he was 17 now and he looked plenty at home. He was confident and smiling as he sang his heart out he wasn't the scared 15 year old that I first met lost and alone.

So where does he live? Why was he lost? How was he found?

Deep breath I told myself as I opened my mouth all eyes on me.


	4. Chapter 4 Mr Dog

**Mr. Dog**

**Sam's P.O.V**

"_Sam you really need to take this chiz more seriously_

Carly Shay beautiful intelligent funny with her long raven hair flowing to her back with those puppy dog eyes pleading. Now staring through me how could I say no?

I couldn't but I couldn't lie either..so it left me in a pickle..

Dang a pickle that sounded heavenly to me right now, I could see it in my vision sitting there dripping that sweet pickle juice with those plump seeds. It was mocking me. I could hear it crunching as it flexed itself so it was directly in my view. Taunting me..

_He..He..look at me Puckett ..look how sweet ..how juicy ..get a good angle Puckett...wait I'll move now look at me my crunchy strong skin glistening in my juice..now my soft stringy center._

_Oh wait you can't have me..ha..ha_

Carly's voice rung out in a distance

_Sam!_

But Mr. Pickle was still center stage ..

_You know what else would go great with me Puckett?_

I was at his mercy now Carly wouldn't quit trying though..

_Earth to Sam!_

I shuddered as a big beefy foot long came into my view, I swear the dog was grinning Mr. Pickle's eyes said it all.

That's right Puckett look at my perfect partner Mr. Dog says hello to you Puckett. My lips trembled my mouth watered please come to momma don't tease momma.

Mr, Pickle wouldn't stop now he instructed Mr. Dog to show me what I was missing which he did with pleasure.

_Well Puckett for starters I am 100% all beef no fillers no pork or chicken or rib meat_

_I have a Delicious smokey skinned flavor _

_I'm resting comfy in between two soft Potato rolls you can fix me up with onions, relish, ketchup mustard or have me as I am._

_Don't forget me Puckett!_

Mr. Dog and Mr. Pickle danced waving at me grinning Momma can never forget her babies . I watched them fade away my stomach growled loudly as they floated to the sky.

_Sam!_

_Ah!_

I jumped as Carly's fist pounded the cold hard table I had to blink to snap out of my trance ..wait where was I? Why couldn't I just get up and walk to Carly's fridge and get whatever I wanted I do it every other time. I stood up..

_Puckett sit down where do you think your going?_

_Visiting hours are not up for five minutes_

I shock my head as my eyes adjusted to focus on my surroundings coming into view , dark blue walls yuck ..multicolored white and blue tiles bars for windows a dividing bar in between Carly and I .

Carly..oh yea Carly's water filled eyes staring at me scared and helpless.

_Sam please I'm serious you heard the judge she's sick of you ending up in her court one more time and your done. This isn't a joke it's not funny.._

The water was now dripping from Carly's eyes oh god please don't cry kid momma hates when you cry it makes momma feel all ..what's that word I'm searching for?

Gluten...no what the heck is that anyway?

Glutton..no wait...Guilty that's it yeah it makes momma feel chizy and Momma doesn't like feeling all chizy .

So back to that choice if I told her I would change I wouldn't be lying cause I would really try but I just know it wouldn't work . It never does not when you have my family. Then I would get caught again cause I was always getting caught and Carly would just get hurt again. If I didn't answer she would keep trying she'll feel like I don't love her enough to change and I do she has no idea how much I love her. My throat felt dry like I could be sick.

_Sam I'm sorry _

There was a desperation in her voice and on her face and I've never heard before I coughed.

_Carly I …_

_Lets go! Times up!_


	5. Chapter 5 Letter Arrival

**Letter's Arrival**

**Carly's P.O.V**

_Carly I..._

I what? Damn what did she mean? Stupid guard why couldn't she just let us have one more minute . I needed to hear what Sam would of said. Her eyes were cast down the entire time so I couldn't even see inside of them to read what she might have been trying to say .

What were her emotions?

Did she get how scared I was? Did she even care about her own future? The same way I did? She was working so hard to do better to be more polite which is something you could of never said about Sam Puckett a year or so ago. She was studying in school getting good grades paying attention in class, she was helping her mom running errands she was still going to her court appointed appearances her therapy and her anger management classes. Then stupid Mrs. Briggs had to be all stupid she just wouldn't quit she couldn't keep her big fat stupid mouth shut she kept ragging on me and of course I got so upset . Over a lousy F...now my best friend is locked up cause I got all girly and cried freaking out over a grade. Now Sam could get two years for assault the judge was so pissed she sentenced for her for four months and told her to clean up her act if she didn't change her ways by the time she comes back to court she'd get two years.

Seeing her hand cuffed and lead out of school was insanely scary, I'm still having nightmares. I miss her so much I can't wait till she comes home on Saturday. I just hope that stupid guard doesn't piss her off and screw up her chances . Please god don't let it get messed up watch over Sam she can't afford any screw ups . She's so close to coming home I know I can help her once she's out of Juvie will make it work out.

_Carly _

I screamed jumping stepping outside as Freddie Benson was waiting leaning against the wall with Gibby . Both shock their heads as I bundled myself tighter against the wind chilling December air settling in Seattle Freddie grinned pushing off the wall to come over.

_How's the blond Demon?_

_Uh Freddie my man I believe the real question is how many guards did the blond demon off?_

I chuckled as Freddie and Gibby rolled his eyes linking Freddie's arm in mine.

Freddie looked over at me before replying.

_Uh she didn't off anyone right Carl's_

Shaking my head I replied no softly it was sweet of the boys to walk me down here every week since Gibby was banned from the court for being to Gibby. Apparently there's a magician named Gibby who's main act was distracting people with his hands while he stole their money and any poss valuables on them. I tried many times to tell the Police that our Gibby wouldn't know how to steal.

If the " how to steal for dummies' manual jumped into his arms and screamed' Run Dummy Run' but somehow the police didn't care they banned him anyway. The only way he's allowed in is if he gets arrested.

Freddie's mom called the health dept so many times wanting every type of inspection done before Freddie was allowed any where near the Juvie that they warned Freddie that they were so sick of her they would arrest him if he went anywhere near them just to shut her up.

_Sam's being Sam guys she's good I just wish she would take things more seriously_

_She needs to change _

_She's getting there Carly relax_

_I'm trying Freddie_

_How about smoothies at groovy on me Carl's_

_Yummy thanks Freddie_

_Sure anytime_

Freddie and I talked about our history project for hours while sipping smoothies till his mom called him ordering him home for her newest self inspection. Which never failed to make me laugh.

Going inside my apartment I felt better yawing I went over to the counter to check our mail.

My mind drifted off to Sam what was she trying to say? God it drove me crazy what was she trying to do to me? What was she trying to say? I'm sorry? Nah she never says sorry not unless I made her. Was she trying to say she'd try harder? She couldn't be trying to say...Nah I'm dreaming..

_Carly I love you.._

It was a sweet dream but it couldn't be reality..Could it?

My heart broke as I opened my eyes as much as I wished she would confess her undying love to me she wouldn't.

The apartment was too quiet that started to worry me where was Spencer? Book club kicked him out so he wasn't there ..he didn't have any classes.

I dialed his number but it went straight to voice mail sighing I left a message as I saw the letter sitting on the counter . My heart started to beat wildly placing my cell down grabbing the letter tearing it open.

_Dear Mr. Spencer_

_My name is Haley M. Hughes director and founder of Sculptures of America we wanted to thank you for your admissions and we are proud to offer you a one year trail run with Sculptures of America ._

_We are dedicated to providing education to under privilege youth who can't afford lessons._

_We are honored you chose us as a employment opportunity inclosed here is a instruction manual please study it we look forward to seeing you on our departure date Dec 20th 2012._

_Sincerely_

_Haley M .Hughes_

_CEO and Founder of Sculptures of America _

Sighing I leaned against the wall my eyes blurring as I read and reread the letter my heart pounding so hard it was chocking me in my throat was this real? I couldn't believe it was happening. Even though I was the one who set it in motion I never excepted it to be real.

Spencer my big brother had the chance of a lifetime all I had to do was convince him he had to take it.

I hated thinking of him leaving but the thought of him giving this up after all he had done for me. That killed me.

_Yo' Ho Carly I'm home!_

_In the kitchen Spencer_

_Right 'o Carly oh_

I groaned ever since he saw Austin Powers he had been trying his hand at a British accent and it was horrid.

_So where were you Mr. adventure?_

_Ha I was shopping _

_Oh no I'm afraid Spencer_

_Why I swear I didn't cause a fire_

_Why would you say that Spence I didn't even mention a fire_

_Oh you weren't_

_N-o_

I answered nervously staring at him he chuckled juggling oranges.

_Oh good cause I didn't- I repeat I didn't start a fire_

_Oh no Spencer you didn't_

_Okay I did but it wasn't my fault!_

_Spencer!_

He stomped his feet whining I shock my head handing in the envelop he stopped whining and looked at it . I sat down burying my head in my hands what did he set on fire? How much was it going to cost? Were the police or fireman going to be knocking?

_Carly we need to talk_

_You know I would love to take this_

_So why wouldn't you Spencer?_

_It's only a year _

_Carly your only 16 barely I can't just go off and leave you_

_You wouldn't be Spencer Mrs. Benson agreed to watch over me_

_The fact that you would even put yourself through a year of Marissa Benson for me_

_Is insanely awesome still your my sister and my responsibility_

_Spencer this is a huge opportunity for you and for these kids they could learn so much from you _

_I mean you are crazy talented I know how much you love doing your art_

_You deserve this chance Spencer you need to take it_

_Carly I don't know let me think about it_

_Spencer I um I already set your acceptance in you leave Dec 20th _

_You what?_

_Spencer please I want you to take this!_

_Carly enough I love that you want to do this for me but I need to think_

_Okay fine but please think of yourself for once I can take care of me take care of you now_

_How about take out?_

_Sounds yummy Carl's _

He ruffled my hair as I smiled and leaned into hug him sighing. Grabbing money I ran out to get food as I watched him looking at the letter praying he would take it.


	6. Chapter 6 Beach Dreaming

**Beach Dreaming **

**Miley's P. O. V**

_Omg Miley did you see Jessie !_

_Huh?_

My head snapped up from the midst of my mounds of books to see my best friend Emmy Oliver racing up to me. Sighing I put my books down turning to her as she came up sweating and flushed but grinning wild.

_No Em I didn't I've been buried here knee deep in books_

_So why would I see Jessie? He hasn't noticed I exist since I got back_

She flopped down beside me eyes rolling dropping her book bag taking a deep breath she turned to me squealing grasping my hands as the other students filed into the auditorium for study hall giving us strange and nasty looks.

_Jessie's dad just got back and he bought him a new car oh my god gurl it's frigging ah! It's amazing!_

_No one has a sweet ride like him...and I'm not just talking about his car if you know what I mean..._

She winked nudging me I felt myself blush as I nodded slowly just as I saw the object of our crushing gushing walk in. Jessie Strauss 17 walking in with his friends looking perfectly cool and handsome his smile like a 100 watt light bulb. His black hair slicked back with what must have been a small country of hair gel. His blue eyes sparkled as he threw his head back laughing his shoulder length hair flying with him. I let out a small moan as I felt my head drop to my desk which I quickly picked up before anyone except Em see she was grinning and nudging me. Walking like he was Elvis or someone equally as important he had his black leather jacket slung over his left shoulder as three girls clung to him squealing. His right held his books and one girl who was almost glued to him wearing the shortest of short skirts that almost didn't cover what god gave her. She disgusted me gross the way she almost drooled over every word he was saying.

_I swear Miles he just oozes Sexy _

_Go ask him out Miles go.._

_No! No...I can't …_

Why would someone as hot as him like someone like me?

_Don't be shy Miles go for it your hot he's hot perfect match_

_H-e-l-l-o_

Easy for her to say not so easy for me to believe not anymore anyway. I watched as he walked over to a group of friends with so much ease it ached inside of me deep I use to have that confidence.

He sat down with the popular kids they never seemed to run out of witty things to say and laugh about. I sighed she was right about one thing he was dreamy.

_Can't you just picture things Miley?_

_You and Jessie dating .._

That was the problem I could picture it I could picture it all to well. I let my mind wander there.

" _Sun beating down across miles of sand kids were building sand castles music was blasting people were playing volleyball. Dogs were chasing Frisbee's girls were laying on the beach tanning super toned bodies. Then there was Jessie and I in the middle of it all in the deep ocean he was holding me tightly our bodies were pressed together our lips almost locked together , then bam a dolphin poked his head through us screeching. I jumped screaming as I lost my balance and fell into the deep sea water ran down my face as I struggled to get up but I was chocking Jessie where was he.."_

" _Look she's drooling!_

_Ha-Ha..._

Laughter filled my ears the sounds of the beach fading as I shock my head trying to adjust my vision.

_Hey Steeple your drooling better zip it up we don't want none of ya nasty diseases_

I jumped as I looked around realization dawned on me heavy. I wasn't on a sunny California beach no I was back in my nasty hicks-ville of a high school in Killbourne TN. The kids were all laughing and pointing at me as my face flushed with embarrassment.

A few kids were making kissing sounds even Jessie was staring at me doubled over in laughter as he tried to choke out..

_I would kiss my dog first gross …_

I felt sick I was shaking I was the laughing joke every single kid was laughing and pointing making kissing sounds or waving their hands in front of their noses eyes rolling back indicating that I smelled. Even Mr. Andrews the teacher was laughing. Em was the only one silent I stood up shoving past them her voice called out to me.

_Miley don't run don't let them win_

I never let her finish I grabbed my books and running as I heard them yelling.

_Run Stupid Run_

I ran without looking I ran so fast I was flying...literally...

_Thump_

In reality it wasn't my running that had me flying it was the foot that someone stuck out that I tripped over falling back down the steps my books scattering as I landed hard on my back looking up watching everyone's faces as they laughed at me pointing calling out things like.

_Falling without the star _

_Have a nice trip loser?_

_Dumb-ass can't even walk right_

_Stupid is as stupid breeds_

Someone kicked me but I couldn't tell which foot it was. I groaned the kick landed directly in my stomach.

The rest of the day went just about as great as the start of the day kids all day kept pointing and laughing shoving me hitting me slamming my books out of my hands. Shoving me into lockers spitting at me ..

_Nice outfit Steeple _

_Where did yer momma get it this time?_

_The trash can or the trailer park?_

Julie Peterson the head cheerleader started in she was ruthless and of course the prettiest and richest girl in all of Killbourne. She stood with her friends Anita Helmsworth, Kandy Michigan, Jenna Richie. Kandy shock her head as she turned to Julie replying.

_No Julie I think the hill billy thrift store ya know the one _

_Oh Yea Kandy I do it's on the corners of Hooker and Trash_

_Yea that's the one Just like her momma the town drunk_

Jeremiah Davidson blocked me as I tried to shove past them fighting back tears my chest hurt they over powered me shoving me back hard as soon as I hit the ground I scampered up but Ryland Bardner grabbed me shoving me hard against the lockers grinning as him and his buddies Jeremiah , Bryan Hoover pinned me both reeked of Alcohol and weed neither had anything to brag about look wise but their daddies were richest farmers in all of TN so they thought they were all that.

_So how about it Miles you anything like yer Momma?_

I wouldn't answer why should I give them any power? Their friends hooted and howled as they wrapped their hands around my throat I couldn't breathe. Bryan leered as he spoke.

_Well I think your lying we all heard how wild you were in La_

_Besides your too dumb too know if your a ho _

_Let us help you _

Bryan reached up my shirt I tried to scream but Ryland kneed me in my stomach as I felt Bryan twist my nipple. That was all I needed I used every once of strength I had and brought my knee up to his groin he was too stunned to cover himself in time as he dropped then I grabbed Ryland's arm as my feet hit the ground I struggled to stay up and slammed him against the lockers the girls screamed shocked.

_Get her! Damn it bitch you'll pay!_

_Give it to her hard!_

I shoved them running they ran after me.

_Fat pig you can't run will get ya and will slaughter ya!_

I was breathing hard my legs pumping trying to look to see if they were close they were gaining there seemed to be more of them . Please god I prayed let me get away please help me what did I do to deserve this? I jumped over a brick wall that was supporting the flowers and kept running trying to cut them off but they split up, I could feel my legs giving in I was never that strong a runner and the harsh December chill wasn't helping. I started to see a ray of hope a escape a few more feet I would be off property, they wouldn't ditch school to get me not when they had reps to keep up would they? It usually worked I just needed to get to that boundary. Bam...

Emmy was coming out of one of the classroom, I didn't see her in time. We crashed to the ground as they caught up their laughter ringing in my ears as their angry hands clenched down one me.

_We got ya now you little gutter slob_

They slammed my head down into the ground kicking me ..Emmy tried to stop them but they hit her shoving her down..

_Weight watchers reject you piggy?_

_Give it to them beat them! Make them bleed like the animals they are!_

_Sit on them slap them ho's make them suffer!_

Someone was sitting on me as someone was slapping me I heard Emmy crying as I heard someone pulling her pants off and slapping her butt someone's fist connected with my mouth something wet was shoved in my mouth.

When it was all over I lay there in pain curled up in a ball, where was Emmy?

Slowly I got up looking around no one was there I was dizzy and sick but I wasn't hanging around where the heck did Emmy go to? She was suppose to be my friend did she go for help? How long had she been gone? I didn't stick around I ran.


	7. Chapter 7 The Climb

**The Climb**

**Miley's P.O.V**

**Lyrics To Every Part Of me belong to Adam Watts Andy Dodd and The Climb Belong To Jesse Alexander Jon Mabe performed by Miley Cyrus.**

My feet protested every movement in my six year old sneakers which barely covered anything anymore I felt every stone every piece of dirt and god knows what else.

My legs burned my head hurt my chest was on fire. Finally I collapsed on a old wooden swing in one of the parks.

Chocking and gasping I cuddled my knees to my chest rocking back and forth when would my life get any easier? It wasn't always like this I use to be happy.

Momma use to love me she use to smile and laugh and dance she use to hold us tickle us and encourage us to dream. She use to kiss me and take away my fears she always had fresh clean pressed clothes for us and make sure we were washing and had a clean house.

Someday we would be again ..I had to believe it..closing my eyes I tried to picture my life in six years time. I would be older in college in my Jr year some place warm maybe Ca or Florida. I would be working on a beach I would have an amazing tan and toned body guys would be flocking to me again I would be majoring in the arts I would get leads in all the musicals and I would have so many friends and I would be writing music.

I looked up to the sky slowly I opened my eyes as I felt myself starting to sing my vision my song hoping to be reaching far beyond the clouds and beyond anything that could bound me to this earth.

_I feel like I'm a million miles away from myself more and more of these days_

_I've been down so many open roads but they never lead me home and now I just don't know who _

_I really am how it's gonna be is there something that I can't see I wanna understand._

Maybe I will never be, who I was before.

_Maybe I don't even know her anymore. _

_Maybe who I am today. _

_Ain't so far from yesterday. Can I find a way to be... Every part of me._

So I'll try, try to sort things out and find myself get my feet back on the ground it'll take time but I know 

_I'll be alright cuz nothing much has changed on the inside it's hard to figure out how it's gonna be cuz I don't really know now I wanna understand_

Maybe I will never be, who I was before. 

_Maybe I don't even know her anymore._

_Maybe who I am today._

_Ain't so far from yesterday._

_Can I find a way to be... Ever part of me yeah_

I don't wanna wait too long to find out where I'm meant to be long I've always wanted to be where I am today but I'd never thought I'd feel this way

Maybe I will never be who I was before. 

_Maybe I don't even know her any more maybe who I am today. Ain't so far from yesterday can I find a way to be... Every part of me_

Every part of me

Rain drops splattered on my head in big fat chunks quickly I got up and ran straight for the closet building I could find which was the library. Breathlessly I went inside hoping to get warm I was shocked at how cold I had become it hadn't hit me till just a few moments ago.

Mrs. Paige smiled at me she was a kindly older woman who came from Franklin Tn one of the bigger cities she was there three times a week to open our library and help out our only librarian Mrs. Leakey who was almost 90 and like her name had um a few issues now a days and couldn't do the job she had been doing for the past 67 years.

Mrs. Paige brought me a bottle of water and a cup of hot coca asking me why I wasn't in school I smiled but didn't answer it wasn't no one's business why I wasn't it wasn't like anyone cared or would help anyway.

She seemed to get the hint and left me alone I grabbed a book and got lost in the adventures of Star Power a popular teenage singer with real girl problems someday I would have her life again.

Br..ing..

The sound of the Elementary school bell ringing brought me back into the real world sighing I got up and headed out to get my sister and brother thanking Mrs. Paige on my way out she smiled looking at me sadly god I hated pity.

By the time I got across the street the doors were already banged open and kids were noisy pouring out I was glad I was at least warm for now.

Kids ran past me looking for parents I scanned for my 10 year old sister Noah Lindsey and my brother Brasion Chance 13.

Our town was so small the Elementary and middle schools were all in one well two buildings but attached. The high school was three blocks up from it, the library was across from the school and the police fire and emt's were all in one building a block down next to our capital.

_Hey Miley! _

I smiled at Gina one of Noah's friends she came up and hugged me.

_When are you going back to La?_

_I miss Star-Bright you were so good_

_Noah is so lucky to have you as a sister_

I cleared my thick throat smiling at her and her friends .

_Thanks Gina I miss it to _

_I don't know when I'm going to be going back_

_Oh that's a shame don't quit though Miley _

_Do it for us small town girls !_

They always made me smile ..Gina's mom came over giving me a tense smile as she eyed me up and down . My good mood took a violent swing towards bad again people in this stupid town were so judgmental and hypercritical .

_Hello Miley_

_Hi Mrs. Mikey_

It wasn't my fault momma refused to work and spent every scent we had drinking , it wasn't my fault we never had food or decent clothes or hot water to bathe.

Yet every grownup in this stinking place acted like it was with one look they made you feel ashamed and guilty and their damn kids grew up to think the same way I hated this place I can't wait to escape like Brandi and Trace did.

She didn't speak anymore maybe she sensed my mood and got some smarts she gathered her kids up and quickly left.

_Miley!_

I grinned as I saw my cutie sister running up to me she ran full speed her arms open wide please don't fall I prayed silently eying her beat up old falling apart sneakers they were worse then mine.

She tore down the walk way as I prayed over and over running to meet her half way hoping to prevent what I knew was bound to happen and sure enough she tripped when one of her sneakers fell open and apart. She went flying much like I had earlier but at least I was inside.

I hurried over to her as all the kids laughed and pointed calling out stupid smart ass comments that made me want to tear the little rug rats up.

By the time I got there Noah was crying which only made the teasing worse.

_Look the rags crying why don't you use some of those rags for a tissue _

_Loser can't even walk straight maybe you should try cans for shoes at least we'd know when to watch for the next fall!_

I scooped her up in my arms trying to soothe her but she was hysterical. It made me want to cry hearing her pain feeling the shame she did. I checked her scrapes she wasn't too badly hurt just emotional.

Slowly as I rocked her and sang to her she stopped crying I kissed away her tears tickling her.

Brasion's voice cut through my singing as I looked up to see his beady eyes glaring at Noah as he hissed out.

_What did the stupid runt do now? _

Noah sniffled as I washed out her cuts with what little water I had from my water bottle left over. I didn't look up he was always in a foul mood not that I blamed him.

_I want Momma Miles..._

Noah kept sniffling I didn't answer but he did.

_God your so stupid why would you want mom she's gonna beat your stupid ass for destroying your shoes_

_It's not my fault they were already destroyed! _

_Momma ain't gonna care you little pest_

_Shut-up Black eye_

I jerked my head up at her comment which he sensed by the way he became so tense and stiff. Backing up sure enough he had a bright black shiner over his left eye.

_What happened!_

_Don't yell at me!_

_I'm not yelling! _[As I was yelling]

_Yes you are stop it!_

_Then stop stalling and tell me!_

_None of your business you ain't my momma_

_No but I will tell our momma and then see how you talk back to me_

He shock his head in fear shaking as I took Noah's hand.

_It's a far walk so hurry up_

_It's cold Miles can you hold me?_

_No Noah your old enough to walk _

_I know but it's cold_

_And I'm not Noah?_

I cursed myself remembering I left my coat at school.

_Where's your jacket Miles?_

Brasion sneered I glared at him knowing what was going through his mind.

_Why should I tell you your not my daddy_

He growled but paused to consider this ..

_If I tell you what happened to my eye you have to tell me why you left your coat at school_

I acted like I was thinking about this while he tried to keep up with us.

_It's a fair deal right miles?_

His little voice squeaked he was only starting to go through his voice change and it was adorable when it squeaked.

_I don't know Noah what do you think?_

She grinned skipping beside me her shaggy brown hair blowing in the wind.

_What do I get out of it?_

_Oh a blackmail huh?_

_No not black mail fair trade I give you my awesome opinion and I get something in return_

_Well alright ..fine how about coca?_

_Excellent!_

_So now what do you think of Brasion's offer? _

_I think Brasion is..._

_Noah!_

She giggled Brasion glared and I could see he wanted to attack her but I held him back with my glare.

_Fine it's a good deal_

He sighed skipping rocks along the gravel road.

_Billy Bob was talking about our Momma being a slut and a drunk and how we were too poor to know what poor was.._

_He was being stupid he called us ugly and bastard children and he said.._

He went silent..I looked at him feeling immense sadness wash over me he went from being a tough boy

to a scared hurting kid.

_What did he say Bras?_

_It's okay I won't get mad _

_He said you were following in Momma's footsteps that when you went off to Hollywood you slept with every guy there and that's the only reason you got so famous._

_He said you were a Hollywood whore and a no talented loser_

_So..so I punched him!_

_Then he got back up and punched me so I kicked him and we started fighting_

_Brasion you know Daddy wouldn't approve of fighting_

_Well daddy's not here is he Miley?_

Noah's little voice cut through our argument

_When is daddy coming home miles?_

_Sweetie _I answered _Daddy can't come home _

_Why miley why?_

_Why did daddy go away?_

Sighing I lifted her up wrapping her legs around my waist she buried her head on my shoulder.

_I miss daddy miles he never yelled at us like momma does_

_I know baby I know we all miss daddy_

_When can we see daddy again?_

_Not for a long time baby Daddy had to go home in the sky_

_You mean heaven right?_

_Yes baby_

_When can we see daddy? _

_When we go to heaven baby but we won't be going for a long time_

_Were all really young and we have a long time to live_

_But I miss him miles he was so funny _

_No he wasn't Noah_

_Brasion stop being so mean_

_Shut-up Noah_

_Both of you shut it _

My legs and arms ached so badly .

I felt bad for yelling at them but my whole body hurt and I was freezing! Now walking 12 miles from school to our home was not helping.

_I have to pee so badly _

Noah whined and I knew that feeling very well my own bladder was ready to burst.

_Miles can you sing for us it'll make the time go by faster please.._

I had to set her down I couldn't hold her any longer Brasion seemed to agree so I asked them what they wanted to hear he laughed as he quickly replied.

_The climb oh it's so appropriate_

We laughed

_Okay no prob_

_**The Climb**_

_I can almost see it  
That dream I am dreaming  
But there's a voice inside my head saying  
"You'll never reach it"_

Every step I'm taking  
Every move I make feels  
Lost with no direction  
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying  
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain  
I'm always gonna wanna make it move  
Always gonna be a uphill battle  
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there  
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side  
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing  
The chances I'm taking  
Sometimes might knock me down  
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it  
But these are the moments that  
I'm gonna remember most, yeah  
Just gotta keep going_  
___

And I, I got to be strong  
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain  
I'm always gonna wanna make it move  
Always gonna be a uphill battle  
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose  
_  
Ain't about how fast I get there  
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side  
It's the climb, yeah!_

There's always gonna be another mountain  


_I'm always gonna wanna make it move  
Always gonna be an uphill battle  
_

_Somebody's gonna have to lose_

Ain't about how fast I get there  
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side  
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing  
Keep the faith, baby  
It's all about, it's all about the climb  
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa 


	8. Chapter 8 Climbing To What?

**Climbing To What**

**Miley's P.O.V**

Noah squeezed my hand and Brasion held tight to my arm as we climbed the slippery rough hills twigs and branches cracking beneath us. The stones stung my already sore feel making it seem like I had hot coals in my shoes.

_I love that song sissy it's so uplifting and you sang it gurl_

Noah sighed as we carefully crossed the stream by our house finally we were almost there. What was there exactly?

Our house well I wouldn't even call it that...it was once a large farm house on 50 archers of land but it burned down in a fire three years ago. Even the grass was dried and brown and had no hope of coming back to life. It was mainly a pile of burned shingles and boards with rocks. There was a fire pit to the side so old it was blackened and crusted in mold.

Infested with mice and birds it was disgusting.

_I have to pee miles badly_

_Noah be careful_

_I have to pee_

She ran full speed Brasion and I pushed our tired bruised bodies ahead pushing my hair back feeling the sweat pouring down I shuddered feeling gross.

Dead bugs were permanently frozen to the house at least 20 cats were lingering outside they felt free to use every space as a bathroom.

Broken tree branches a old bench nearly unusable and beat up old pickup truck that Brasion almost had running were all that remained of the outside and a few horses still lingering.

Our place was the only one on the old dirt road for miles and miles, after the fire Momma was too poor too lazy to find a new one so one of her many boyfriends threw blankets over the burnt down parts which was almost all of it. The smoke smell still lingered along with the cat piss human piss and dead carcass smells. In summer it could reach well over 120 degrees and the smell was almost lethal.

There was no electric or water we had a bucket for a bathroom which Brasion and I had to empty we used the creek to bathe to drink out of and cook with it was my job to start a fire and do all the cooking and washing with the fire pit. Brasion carried water to and from for all of us.

Brasion and I took turns chopping wood for the pit. Thankfully we had loads of trees to chose from. By the time Brasion and I reached the shamble we call a house I was ready to drop everything hurt and I was so dizzy. One look at Noah's face though left me charged up she stood frozen hands over her lower part eyes wide. My legs took off till I reached her.

_Noah what's wrong?_

Momma's harsh voice cut through every thought ..

_Ger her out of here_

Momma was naked laying on her back her legs held high in the air as some naked guy lowered himself inside of her she was moaning and screaming. Their drugs were scattered all around a bong some syringes a few lines.

I grabbed Noah and pulled her away. Whispering to her to get her to move.

_Lets go babe _

Grabbing her I picked her up wrapping her legs around my waist as I ran to the woods.

Relief swept through me once we were both done going. Brasion was getting wood while Noah and I took turns relieving ourselves.

Noah stayed close to me while we went deep into the woods and waited till we saw a deer I showed her how to load a gun aim it and fire the deer fell eyes wide open it was almost sickening really thinking about taking this poor innocent life but we needed to eat. Momma wasn't going to provide food for us so I had to.

Noah helped me to pull the deer to the house Brasion's eyes went wide as he pumped his fist in the air. He helped me to skin it and gut it then I started the fire and cooked it.

While dinner was roasting we tried to help Noah with her homework but it was useless in a way she just got upset and cried.

_I don't understand it!_

_Mr. Eriksson never explained it _

_Noah the teachers always explain it_

_I swear she didn't! _

_Were you awake the whole time?_

_Noah answer me_

She bit her lower lip head bent down eyes watering I sighed.

_Okay Lets start over give it to me I'll explain it to you but you have to do this yourself _

_Brasion do you need help with yours?_

_No miles I did mine in school _

Brasion was working on dad's old truck he was deep set in concentration I knew he was hoping once he fixed it I would drive us all to school in it.

While the deer cooked Noah and I kept tackling her homework which helped me keep awake I was having a tough time staying awake. My whole body was sore and tired but I had to keep going.

Finally after 5 hours the deer was ready the smell was mouth watering Brasion cheered.

My body tensed as I heard a deep voice calling from behind us Noah scurried behind me as I saw Brasion grab a wrench holding it tightly.

_Miley darlin smelling good as pie _

_Your momma told me you were a sweet cook but she didn't tell me how sweet you looked_

_I think I need to try a piece of both pies_

_Get away from me you freak I ain't yer darlin'_

_Don't you sass me child_

I can't say I wasn't scared cause I was he stood at least 6'5 he had to weigh like 220lbs and he was strong but he was also staggering so he had to be high his eyes looked blood shot.

I grabbed a hard piece of wood that Brasion had found and swung it towards him he laughed grabbing it and breaking it Noah screamed, he was on me in a flash lifting me up throwing me down hard on the ground I winced as I felt my lungs swift. He was pinning me down he smelled like stale piss and weed and booze.

Suddenly he was down as Brasion hit him with a wrench I shot up grabbing Noah and running looking at Brasion he motioned for me to go as he kicked the guy over and over. Hitting him with the wrench I didn't look anymore as I held Noah and I ran deep into the woods.

I was worried sick about leaving Brasion but I had to get Noah out if there. I was breathless gasping by the time my legs gave out.

Noah clung to me trying to get warm against the ice cold temperatures I collapsed against a tree my back landing hard against it pulling Noah close wrapping her up in my arms. I was feeling dizzy and cold.

_Miley when will life get any easier?_

_I don't want to go back home Miles_

_I know Noie and I wish I knew when life would be better_

I was breathing so hard I couldn't talk anymore closing my eyes I tried to focus on relaxing I felt her hands on my back rubbing it.

_We have to find a warm place to rest Noah_

_Okay sissy_

We walked and we walked till we found a tiny cove in the woods it was surrounded by tress and shrubs which kept some heat in.

I started a little fire which gave us some heat she curled up close to the fire as I left to find a place to pee.

Squatting as it poured out of me I couldn't help but wonder her question .

_When will life get any easier?_

Once I was back she curled up in my legs and slept I stayed awake keeping guard. It had to get easier someday right? I vowed that it would. What did we do to deserve this life? Why didn't Momma love us anymore?

What did we do wrong?

My body couldn't stop shivering the wind was howling I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm as thought of ways to get us out of this hell we called life. Humming to myself I softly sung a song I was working on.

_One day I will be a star and I can see it so clearly_

_No one can hold me down except me_

_I want to know I will be remembered when I leave this world_

_I will leave my foot prints in the sands of hearts_

_I want to live each day and know I have no regrets_

_I want people to look at me and see the hope that can rise from the depths of sadness_

_Momma you were never there Never down for me_

_But it's okay cuz it taught me self assurances and I can thank you one day_

_Because of you I know how to stand up for what I need_

_I learned thanks to you I know I have to watch my back_

_I know never trust strangers dangers lurk all around even in the place_

_I was suppose to call my safe haven my home_

_I know how to be an exceptional actress I smile and I laugh_

_I say it's all okay even when I'm falling deep when the water is drowning me_

_I hear your cries I feel your pain I see your blood shot eyes_

_I know now I never want to be anything like you_

_I know I have to stand on my own I have to be the one _

_Who makes her own destiny the truth is_

_Set deep within someday I will break free_

_From this youth they call Childhood_

_Who ever said it was the best time never had to fight find joy_

_Why should I be forced to fake a smile why can't I smile because I am happy_

_I watched your death it eats away at you slowly where there was once joy and laughter now _

_I see through the cracked illusions blood shot and drained strung out you don't even know_

_How far you've fallen but grace is no longer your name_

_I am ashamed you can't see the blame lies only in your name_

_I smell your breath I see you undress you have no shame_

_Little eyes that should never bare witness to this disgrace_

_I shield them as best as I can but no whiskey can dull the knife left in my back_

_Your the one who twists it deep in me _

_Why I wasn't enough why did you turn us away I will never know_

_From my past I will rise and you will see greatness that I can be everything I want I will achieve _

_With a little Hope a little belief and a dash of strength I think I have the recipe_

_People will see hope rises hopes fall but hope prevails after all _

_Hope is in the eyes of a child look through their struggles and see what _

_The future will be..._

**Lyrics belong to me**


	9. Chapter 9 Breaking Dawn

**Breaking Dawn**

**Miley's P.O.V**

I love watching as the sun starts to rise there's something magical about the start of a new day it's like all the storms and the winds of rages at night can be washed away with the rising of the suns rays.

It's beautiful if you think about it maybe that's why roasters get so excited the say animals have a instinct that humans can never possess. Maybe they see the future better then us and know that a new beginning is possible.

I scooped a very tired Noah up and trudged through the woods till we got to Emmy's house. Her place wasn't in much better standings then ours but she had four walls and a roof which was more then we did plus she had running water and heat , her singles were falling down the grass was dead but it looked heavenly compared to our place.

Her back door opened at the speed of light before we were even fully up her walk way. Her dog shambles barked wild as we came up she hushed it running to us.

_Thank god your okay where have you been dang it?_

She grabbed Noah and lifted her up my arms sagged in relief Noah started whining at that moment making my headache worse.

_I'm hungry miles_

Emmy answered her sweetly as she bounced her on her hip.

_I got you girl _

_Miley where were you? Brasion's been worries sick he told me what happened_

_We went deep into the woods found a little cove_

_I wasn't sure what was going on here so I didn't want to chance it Em_

She rolled her eyes as we went past the kitchen where her mom was making food and her dad was smoking a cigar country music played on the radio.

_Momma and daddy were fighting but it's okay nothing too serious_

_You better call Brandi she's worried and pissed_

_Oh man Bras called her? Why would he do that he knows how she gets_

_I don't know he prob felt over his head_

_Yea prob okay let me wash and eat and I'll call her_

I felt a little better after I washed up not much better but some what, I could feel the grim shake off me and started to see my skin under it all.

By the time I got back to her room Noah was eating bacon and eggs happily she handed me my own plate which I devoured. Once I was done I called Brandi sighing knowing she was going to go off.

It rang and rang maybe I wouldn't have to deal with her after all.

_Hello ?_

She sounded breathless and tired when she answered she was prob up all night worrying about me I started to feel guilty.

_Hey Brandi it's me Miles_

_Oh my god your safe thank the lord where did you go? Are you okay?_

I filled her in on everything that had happened where we went and how we were I heard the tears in her eyes and her throat.

Brandi is 21 years old and pretty much the sweetest most beautiful girl in the world I miss her so much she was always giving me the best advice.

_Miley I am working hard to get enough money to get you _

_Noah and Brasion out of there I know things are horrible_

_Please hold on tight talk to daddy I know he's watching over you I promise soon_

_You'll be here with me _

_I love you miles just stay together don't let anyone separate you were all each other have left now_

_Love you to Brandi I know your working hard_

_I'll watch over Noie and Brasion will stay together I know your doing everything you can_

_Don't stress I have Em she's my rock till I can get back to you_

Emmy was brushing my hair out as I talked to Brandi it was true I don't know where I would be without Emmy .

As soon as we got the school grounds kids started saying things.

_Look out here comes the germs_

Emmy and I rolled our eyes as we passed the group of kids pushing us mocking us.

_Losers!_

_Losers!_

_Smell the stink coming in take a bath losers_

The cheerleaders wouldn't budge as I tried to push past them Kandy was face to face with me as she shoved me but I wouldn't let my legs give in this time.

_What were you doing last night Steeple?_

_None of your dang business _

_Oh don't be so shy we know you two are always together _

I looked at Emmy who looked nervous the crowd was gathered around all waiting for something to go down it made me more nervous. What were they excepting? What wasn't I excepting?

Emmy was shaking and wouldn't look at me. She was sweating now eyes all over the place.

Kandy and her friends taunted and pushed as they barked at Emmy.

_We always knew you were a dog Emmy but woof woof_

I was staring to get angry why was she letting them talk like that to her she never took anyone's chiz before . I shoved hard but some kids started shoving their phones in my face. I tried to yank some but they had death grips on them.

_Lets go Miles we don't need this_

Emmy tired to get me free but one of the Cheerleaders stopped her shoving her books out of her hand shoving her to the ground people started to hoot and howler.

_Woof Woof Emmy show us all your best trick_

_Your shining moment_

I tired to help her up as I asked her

_Emmy what are they talking about?_

Mark Nelson shoved his phone in my face. I fell flat on my butt frozen and shocked no way...I had to blink to believe I was seeing what I was seeing but it was right there in my face.

Flat on her back Emmy lay naked while Jessie was on top of her they were moaning and grunting as they had sex at some party. All the girls smiled laughing calling out names whistling my chest felt heavy I couldn't believe my best friend would do this to me.

_Some friend huh Miles?_

_With dogs like that who needs …_

I didn't let the unknown voice finish I jumped up feeling sick almost losing my balance I shoved past them. Emmy was crying as she screamed after me.

I shoved Mark who was grinning a sick twisted grin I slapped him before I even knew what I was doing.

Everyone started holding up their phones it seems every student had it I felt dizzy as I felt Emmy touch my shoulder. I spun I felt my face flushed my arms shaking as I looked into her tear stained eyes and her red checks she was trying to talk to me.

_Miley I am.._

_What Emmy what?_

I knew my voice was rising but I didn't care anymore. I was beyond embarrassed every student knew I liked Jessie and everyone knew Emmy was my best friend..was.. kids were making kissing sounds and moaning sounds..

_Miley please I never meant_

_What you never meant to sleep with him _

_So you what ..Emmy what you slipped playing naked poker and fell on his d...k_

_Over and over and over and just happened to moan his name?_

I jumped back pissed off my whole body was shaking uncontrollably she was crying the hardest I have ever seen her but I wouldn't cry.

_Miley I..._

_Drop it Emmy I'm done I trusted you_

_God you knew I liked him how could you do this to me_

_You knew dreaming of Jessie was the one positive thing I had in my life_

_Now thanks to you what do I have? _

_Miley..._

_Save it Emmy_

_Oh wait you can't can you...Cause you gave it away_

_Miley it's not like that please I love you_

_Love? That's a joke love is suppose to make people feel good_

_Your love it's just like my mothers worthless and useless and hurtful _

_I don't want love if that's what it's suppose to feel like_

_I never want to hear from you again Emmy _

She was in full tears chasing me as I shoved my way through the now thinning crowd everyone was laughing about it shoving us making comments.

_Miles slow your roll maybe Jessie will take you for a ten minute ride _

_After all it can't be any worse then the short ride he got out of her_

_It'll be a cherry popping experience _

Turning to Julie I glared just as Emmy's voice cut through

_Knock it off leave her alone_

I took a deep breath which was shaky at best clogged with tears and anger.

_I don't need or want you to defend me Emmy I know how to save myself_

_Unlike you_

_Miley please can we talk about this?_

_No I never want to see or hear from you again_

_Miley your my best friend_

_Don't you get it Emmy I hate you!_

_You want to help me Emmy?_

_Yes anything Miles name it_

_Drop dead bitch_

I span and shoved the last cheerleader out of my way just as the bell rung kids scattered I was so mad I could of burned down the whole school. How could she do this to me? Why would she? I could understand him he never liked me and made no second chances about it but she was suppose to be my bff.

I was shivering I was burning up my body was on a trip all of its own and I had no control over it. Where was I suppose to go when I had no one to turn to at home?

Was this another sort of punishment? Was this a sacrifice I was being forced to to made for all the blessings I had earlier in my life?

_Steeple pay attention!_

I shock my head as Mrs. Jackson yelled at me how could I pay attention when all everyone was talking about was me? When I felt sick just from the shivers going through my body knowing everyone was talking about what a fool I was.

_Miss. Steeple are you going to answer?_

_Huh?_

I shock my head all of a sudden I felt even dizzier and hotter .

Kandy smiled sickly as she waved her perfectly manicured hand in the air and in the flakiest sweetest voice said to Mrs. Jackson.

_Mrs. Jackson I do believe that Miles ain't feeling so well_

_Perhaps I should take her to see the nurse _

_We wouldn't her getting sick all over the nicely polished floors now would we?_

Mrs. Jackson sighed irritable as she barked back at her.

_Fine do that but be back soon pop quiz thank Miley for it_

Great I wasn't hated enough was I ?

Everyone glared at me hissing I dodged a few pens and a couple of sharp scissors. I felt my tears welling up again as I took a few deep breaths trying to control myself. Kandy was full of fake concern as she took my arm and lead me out of the room barely giving me a chance to grab my bag and books. I felt tense and scared why was she doing this? She hated me and I hated her even though I knew it was wrong to hate and God loved everyone it was hard to love someone who took pleasure in making your life a living hell everyday you breathed.

_There there Miles it will all be okay_

_I'll make you feel better_

She smiled at Mrs. Jackson as we passed her I saw Mrs, Jackson smile back at her and roll her eyes in disgust at me the shame made me bow my head. She quickly turned away trying to act like she didn't just look at me like I was a dirty piece of fifth she scrapped off her shoes but I saw her and the shame and disgust hit me all over.

As soon as we were out of the room her grip tightened and her voice changed back to the nasty bitch I knew her to be my whole life.

She yanked my arm so hard I lost my balance and she slammed me against the wall.

_Stupid klutzy loser can't even walk straight shut-up and go with my quietly or I'll kill you_

There was something in her eyes as she punched me in my stomach and slammed my head against the hard cold tiles that made me believe she would without regret.

Before I could breath properly she yanked my arm I had to fight to keep upright as she dragged me down the hall something told me we weren't going to the nurse either.

She shoved me through the bathroom door my ankle twisted I cried out bad mistake she yanked my hair bringing tears to my sore eyes.

_Hey Loser look up_

The sunlight blinded me as my eyes were slaughtered by it blinking I tried to focus what was I suppose to be seeing? The old brown falling apart stalls the peeling wall tiles and chipped sinks? Laughter brought my attention to the corner as she shoved me in harder my knee twisting causing my ankle to snap as I fell flat on my hands and knees she kicked me then grabbed my hair. I screamed but it got what she wanted I looked up to see all her friends gathered in front of one of the stalls. They moved away and I screamed seeing what they wanted.

Emmy hanging from one of the stalls a rope tied around her throat and neck her eyes were rolled in the back of her head. Her face was white and her body limp. Their laughter rung in my head as blackness was the last thing I saw.


	10. Chapter 10 Are You Happy Now?

**Are You Happy Now?**

**Miley's p.o.v**

**Lyrics To Butterfly Fly Away owned by Glenn Ballard Alan Silvestri Preformed by Miley And Billy Ray.**

_Deep breath Miley your going to get through this_

_Deep Breath you can endure this_

_Don't open your eyes .._

_Don't believe their lies_

_You will get through this_

_Remember what dad always said_

" _Bud you may think all this chiz happening to you now are the worst days you will ever get but the worst pain imaginable will someday be the source of your greatest strength"_

_Deep breath keep breathing..._

I repeated the cantor over and over trying not to open my eyes but a kick in my back made me cry out as I saw their faces and heard their laughter.

_Why don't you do us all a favor and kill yourself like your slut of a friend did_

_Your worthless your trash go off yourself no one will miss you loser_

My head hurt my back hurt I heard them laughing as they left I heard the lock twist I repeated to myself over and over I wasn't locked in a school bathroom I wasn't locked in. my best friends body wasn't hanging from a rope by me.

My best friend.. my ex ..best friend..my dead ..best..ex..friend..breathe deep ..in..out..out..in...focus miles there has to be a way out right …

I looked through the whole bathroom rows of the same nasty falling apart stalls a high window that had some sort of bars over it, impossible to escape from there .

All I kept wondering was How did I get here? Why was I here? Had I asked for this? Did I do something to earn it deserve it? Was this a joke? Was someone going to pop out with a camera and say Surprise your on hidden camera? Not likely I know but hey I can dream right? When would this ever end? If dad was really watching over me why was he letting this happen? Why was God who was suppose to love me let this happen? I was smart I could name the capitals and all the presidents I knew music and I knew acting I could dance I was always nice to people so why wasn't it given back to me?

Instead I was alone so alone I was cold and sick I was miserable and I ached bad from a deep place inside that no one could understand. I was friendless and I was confused...on the bright spot if I had to pee I was in the right place...

My heart was racing like crazy I don't know why I don't fit in. I didn't do anything to make them hate me but somehow everyone had formed a Anti-Miley club and everyone had access to hit me spit on me make me feel ashamed. Did I let them do it? I tried to stand up for myself but there was so many of them. I had no one to turn to not even my mom. I was alone.

Slowly I got up and went over Emmy was stiff and pale her mouth had a blue ring around it her check had blood splattered out it was all over the door swallowing I reached up and touched her she was cold.

Her fingers were starting to wrinkle ..I let the tears fall down I couldn't believe it had gone this far how did it get to this? How did words and taunts and hits turn to death?

I really hoped things would get better I knew I was mad at her but someday I would of forgiven her right? She was my best friend since we could crawl...now she was gone and the last words I said to her were..

_Drop dead.._

She never listened to me before she was always independent she did her own things if everyone wore pink she wore purple if everyone had a pearphone she had a old razor... Everyone said a size two was cool she said size 10 was perfect for her ..everyone else had short blond or brunette hair styled perfectly she had long wavy Light brown hair streaked with Purple and blue. She dressed the way she wanted cut off jeans ripped in the kness not cause she was poor cause she liked them that way she wore rainbow colored stockings and short cut off halters with denim vests years after denim was out of style. She never listened to me or anyone else.

Could she really be that upset that she turned to death? Why would she give up? Why wouldn't she give it time? She was always preaching how things would get better how there was life after these four walls after this small town. When did she give up? She could of talked to me ..in a few days I would've cooled off the minute things went bad at home I would of softened ..she knows it we fought before we made up.

_Why Emmy Why?_

_We could of talked we could of worked it out why did you go and do this?_

_I'm sorry Emmy so sorry I never meant for you to die_

_Why does life have to be so hard?_

_God your parents are going to flip_

_You are their world_

_What am I suppose to do now?_

I was getting claustrophobic I sank to my butt below her my eyes spotted the streaked mirror it had her blood on it and it spelled out Why don't you die to Freak?

I was getting hot and dizzy and starting panic how long would I have to wait before someone came in? Did they put a broken sign on the door? Knowing them they would. It could be days...

_Are you there dad?_

_Cause I could really use you_

_Could you send me down some love?_

_You tuck me in,  
Turn out the light  
Kept me safe and sound at night  
Little girls depend on things like that_

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair  
Had to drive me everywhere  
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone  
Make a living, make a home  
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night  
Scared things wouldn't turn out right  
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree, how you wonder who you'll be  
Can't go far but you can always dream  
Wish you may and wish you might  
Don't you worry, hold on tight.  
I promise you there will come a day  
Butterfly fly away

Turned around and you were there  
The two of us made quite a pair  
Daddy's little girl was here at last  
Looked away and back again  
Suddenly a year was ten  
Don't know how it got so far so fast

And yes dear, you don't understand  
It's not anything we planned  


_Kind of makes you think it's meant to be (it's a destiny)  
I always knew the day would come  
You'd stop crawling, start to run  
Beautiful as beautiful can be_

Caterpillar in the tree  


_How you wonder who you'll be  
Can't go far but you can always dream  
Wish you may and wish you might  
Don't you worry, hold on tight  
I promise you there will come a day  
Butterfly fly away_

Butterfly fly away (butterfly fly away)  
Got your wings, now you can't stay  
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away (butterfly fly away)  
You've been waiting for this day  
All along you've known just what to do

Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly  
Butterfly fly away  
Butterfly fly away (I hope you find your way and all the things you wish for, love and care about)  
Butterfly fly away (oh, won't you fly away)  
Butterfly fly away (oh, won't you fly away)  
Butterfly fly away 

Singing a song dad use to sing to me as I looked out the window seeing the tress spreading their green leafy branches the clouds floating free. I wondered how long it would be till I could know that feeling of freedom.

_Who locked this door!_

The banging of someone's fist on the door caused me to jump up scared and excited both at once my body shaking as I held onto the stall door. I knew it was Mrs. Nickolas .

_Answer me now!_

My voice was raw from all the crying and screaming, I couldn't answer but she unlocked the door and as soon as she opened it I raced past her she stood stunned.

_Steeple get back here!_

No way I didn't stop or answer I just kept running and didn't look back. What was there to look back to ? A school where no one liked me where kids wanted me dead where teachers didn't care about me?

Where my best friend had killed herself? I already made my first mistake by going there today I wasn't making another by stopping so I could be blamed for Emmy's death.

My second mistake was going home. Momma was there drunk and angry with her latest boy toy.

_You stupid good for nothing lazy bitch _

_You never disrespect my man when he wants something your job is to provide it_

I had no idea what she was blabbering about at first then I saw him the same creep from last night still in the same dirty crusted boxers.

_Do you hear me Miley!_

_Your just like your good for nothing weak ass father_

She was screaming as she threw a bottle at me I ducked but she caught my arm and twisted it I lost my balance as I screamed falling into a metal pipe she picked one up smashing me into my ribs he kicked me hard she snarled as she came over and picked me up by my hair. I whimpered as she brought me to my knees she slapped me over and over her breath making me choke as she cursed at me.

_Ungrateful little prude just give it up already _

_When a man says he wants something you say yes sir_

_Not no..._

_I'll show you what happens to bad little girls who don't listen_

I couldn't move I was at their mercy as I heard him pull his boxers down and felt her hand slapping me harder then she ever slapped me before.

I looked up just as I saw her pick up the metal pipe. I shielded my face as I screamed.

Pain intense pain hit me as I opened my eyes I was laying flat on my back as I looked up I couldn't move.

_Shh don't move miles_

Brasion was by me his eyes filled with fear as he knelt by me holding my hand .

_Momma's passed out Noie's getting some boiling water we have to clean you up_

Every moment screamed in agony but Braz was slowly helping me supporting me my head swam Noie came in struggling to bring in the pail of water without spilling it her little face scrunched up as she walked quiet and slow eyes wandering I saw Momma passed out on one of the cots we called beds.

It was embarrassing to say the least having my 13 year old brother help me take off my shirt which was pasted onto my skin by my own dried blood.

_What happened?_

_Momma was mad I disrespected her scum bag of a drug dealer_

I tried to keep quiet as he cooled the water off before he put it to my skin but it still burned.

He went over my upper body getting the cuts cleaned I tried not to cry to be strong but dang it stung. Blood was everywhere but as he scrubbed it started to feel better.

_Miles is it true?_

_What's that braz?_

_Is it true that Emmy killed herself?_

_Yea how did you hear?_

_The police came to tell Conner today_

Oh yea I forgot she had a little brother in braz's school.

_He was really shaken I stayed with him but I didn't know what to say how do you comfort someone who's sister took her own life?_

_I don't know Braz I really don't_

_Miley I'm sorry I know she was your best friend.._

I didn't bother to tell him what happened why would it matter now? Besides he was 13 he didn't need to hear about sex.

He helped me stand up god my legs hurt something awful Noie washed my legs off as Braz supported me.

_Miles we have another issue _

_What's that?_

_Something happened at school today someone reported us to Children and youth, They questioned Noie she broke down she told them about us and now their threatening to take us away we ran away from school but I think their ll be coming here soon ._

My heart started to race again if they came to us there was no way I could keep us together and I promised Daddy and Brandi that I would.

I didn't see any other choice taking a deep breath and the dry towel from Noie I dried myself off slowly turning to them.

_Grab what you can throw it in a bag we have to leave if we wanna stay together_

_Don't let them take me away Miles!_

Noah was crying as she clung to me I patted her head.

I grabbed a pair of relatively clean clothes and brushed my hair pulling it up throwing things in a bag a few Pictures of us in happier days my song book and my guitar . Of course I had on the necklace my dad gave to me a charm in the shape of a star with our family pic inside.

_You guys ready?_

_Yea_

_Lets go_

_Here Miles_

Brasion threw the truck keys at me he sighed nodding at me I couldn't believe he finally fixed it just in time to.

It grunted and groaned I almost had a heart attack but it started up. Brasion pulled out the money I took from mom's passed out body it wasn't much all she could make in one night which she was going to use for drugs when she woke up but we needed it more. $240 it would get us started.

The truck sputtered down the gravel I did my best to keep it steady with what little experience I had. Braz occupied Noie with a book as I started to relax a little. It would be hours before she woke from her binge and she would be disoriented so it would be even longer before she knew what we had done and she wouldn't care enough to look for us she would be pissed we took the money but oh well she had no way to get to us.

I had no idea as to where I was driving but after 10 hours or so I pulled into a all night hotel I was beat and so sore I couldn't drive anymore. It was only $20 a night. I knew it had to be a pretty bad room for 20 but was it any worse then what we were use to? Beside we had to save money till I could form a plan.

The guy had no issue giving me a room even though it was clear I was underage for once I was grateful a grownup didn't care. Piling in we grabbed snacks from the vending machines going inside to our room.

It was awful broken glass dead bugs stains I didn't want to know from what used condoms well I guess I got my answer huh. Wrinkled bedsheets …

_Well it has running water and heat right miles? So it's not all bad_

I loved Brasion for staying so positive while I was trying not to retch.

_Lock the door Braz I don't like the looks of the outside_

_Is our truck safe?_

_I don't know but I am so tired I can't drive anymore beside we need a plan_

We ate turkey sandwiches from the machine and drank our coke then took luke warm showers it felt amazing to clean myself and the tub wasn't as awful as I thought it would be.

Finally I felt clean and refreshed. We gathered on the one bed that looked decent .

Noah was grinning she looked so cute finally I could see her beautiful skin she was paler then Brandi and I but it was a lovely shade of rosy white with sparkling brown eyes like Dad's. Her long hair was now softly spiraling down her back a mousy shade of light brown almost blond. She looked like a little girl she smelled fresh like daisy's not dirt , I brushed out her hair and put it in pig tails for her the way she liked that momma never would and took too long with stiff oily hair that she usually had we didn't have a lot of time in the mornings when we had a 12 mile walk.

Braz looked relieved to finally have his hair back his pride and joy which he was busy styling in my hand held mirror.

He to looked older now with his ragged hair limp with water he let his air dry all the time even when we had electric.

_So where are we heading guys? _

_We have to find a way to make cash sis_

_Agreed Braz but how is the question.._

_Well were in Mississippi so we should head to Cali Brandi and Trace are there_

_Call Brandi she'll help you figure things out _

_Good call Noie why didn't I think of that?_

_Cause were younger and smarter and faster_

_Oh really faster?_

_AH!_

They screamed as I lunged at them tickling them it felt awesome to be able to laugh and squeal without hearing momma yell back at us.

After an hour Noie fell asleep Braz curled up beside me reading some sports magazine while I dialed Brandi's number if it was 1am here it was what..10 pm there she may not even be home she was always playing gigs and going out clubbing. Please be there sis please pick up I prayed silently.

_Hello?_

_Brandi thank god_

_Miles what's going on?_

_Brandi we left_

_You what?_

_We left we had to I'm sorry but Noie got questioned in school and she spilled so I took them and we left please don't be mad don't yell we had a really rough day Momma and her boy toy beat the crap outta me for no reason Emmy killed herself we had no one at home..._

_Miles calm down dang girl breathe_

_I'm not mad I'm just worried how are you getting here? You don't have a license_

_Braz fixed up daddy's old truck I'm just being real careful_

_God miles I can't believe your in this position it sucks I wish I could help you_

_Listen I want you to call me every day understand? _

_Yes Brandi_

_If I don't hear from ya I swear I will freaking flip out_

_Where are ya right now?_

_Some hotel in Mississippi_

_Okay you need to be careful and stay under the radar do not speed do not go to slow_

_Don't look lost plan out where your gonna go and how far each day so you have an idea_

_How much money do you have on you?_

_Not much $240 minus 20 for the room 5 for the food uh.._

_215 Miles..._

_Yea that's it not much were kind a screwed _

_No your not I won't let ya flail out there yer my sister_

_When you start to get lower pull into a store somewhere call me you have my cell # right?_

_Yea_

_Okay I will wire ya money listen to me you can do this Relax and trust me_

_Okay I always trust you sis_

_Good it shouldn't take you more then a day and a half to get here_

_I'm gonna tell ya exactly how to get here got a pen and paper?_

I grabbed my song book and started to write down what she said she gave me detail instructions. Her cell number and told me to reverse all charges to her number if I called collect.

We talked for another ten minutes.

I was chocking when I finished she was almost crying so I had to get off I gave the phone to Braz so he could talk to her. I went over to the window sighing could we really do this? Could it be that easy? Nothing else ever was.

God I missed her so much she was always my best friend even closer then Emmy I mean we were blood and that's thicker then anything right?


	11. Chapter 11 Before The Storm

**Before The Storm**

**Miley's p.o.v**

Laying in bed that night I closed my eyes trying to get to sleep.

_Why did you go away dad?_

I whispered clutching my pillow.

_I didn't go away bud I'm right here _

I sat up looking around was I crazy? Did I just hear my dad? No one was there just Noah and Braz both sleeping soundly curled up towards me. Shaking my head I sighed I must be exhausted. Laying back down I wrapped my arms around myself.

I just wish I could go back in time to when we were all happy before the storms of life washed it all away.

Happiness it was something all babies should be born into according to my dad I was 100 % happy as a child.

My daddy just the mention of his name made my heart sing.

Willy Bob was born William Robert Steeple he was a musician at heart from birth it just took him a while to know it was his calling he was born to my me-maw Ruth in Crowley Corners he was a talented baseball player who lived for the game from 11 years old he was scouted by professionals. Then in college he fractured his shoulder and it ended his career. In recovery he had to work with guitars and piano's as a form of therapy and he quickly fell in love with music and realized he had a natural talent.

So he took lessons and started to try his hand at song writing his teacher suggested a talent show which he resisted at first thinking it sounded childish but his teacher kept pressuring him till he said yes.

That's where a music scout spotted him slamming on his guitar and wailing his country guts out. Soon he was brought to Nashville and given lessons and studio time.

Within two years he was selling records and going on world tours he was topping the charts and making TV shows.

Tanya was one of his backup dancers she was tall slender blond and tough as nails dad fell instantly.

Their love affair however became talk of the tabloids she was married and never told him and had two kids by this man Brandi Glenn and Trace ..by the time he found out she was pregnant with her third his child..me..

At the hospital her husband showed up it got nasty they were fighting as she was pushing...I was born into the middle of a storm.

One my mom created...thanks mom..

Dad didn't care though not only did he love me the second he found out he was having me he loved Brandi and Trace the minute he met them who wouldn't? Brandi was an adorable bundle of lace and feathers who was always putting on shows and making people laugh.

Trace was all boy he loved trucks and race cars he loved baseball and being rough.

Dad named me Destiny Hope because he felt it was my destiny to bring hope to the world. He said I brought hope into his that even though it was a messy start there was hope for a better tomorrow.

I was always smiling as a baby so they were always cooing at me going aw look she's smiling..and as you do it in baby talk it starts to sound like look she's miling so we shortened it to Miley.

When I was six months old they married three years later Brasion was born then Noah..we were happy living in Franklin Tn dad's career was going strong mom had stayed home to be a full time mom but we were always going on tour with dad.

We all learned early on to love music and respect those who came before us. He taught us piano, guitar and vocal exercise's.

Dad landed a TV show which he let me guest star on when I was 8 and 10 and 12 when I was 12 something clicked in the producers mind hey this kids talented lets do a spin off staring her.

I loved it being able to sing and dance having my own show Star-Bright was awesome I got to play a girl from TN who goes to Hollywood to be famous but she creates a new identity so she could have the best of both worlds.

Everything was going so well my whole family moved out there so we could be together. Brandi loved it she got her own room no more sharing with two little runts as she called us always with love of course. She made friends easy and she started playing gigs on her own she hooked up with this girl named Megan who was a actress and had a staring role on a hot TV show the Secret life of American teens so when Brandi was 16 she moved into a apartment with her. It sucked not having my bff and sister there but she was happy so I was for her Megan had a friend named Codi and the three of them jammed.

Then last year things changed while the shows were on hiatus dad decided he needed to join the army he wasn't fulfilled with music and acting anymore he was worried he was becoming to Hollywood. I wasn't I was loving it. I was famous suddenly which was a lot to handle but hey I was handling it I had a hot boyfriend Nick who was in a band with his brothers Joe and Kevin they were rising stars Nick and I were the hit teen couple and I loved him. There were rumors all the time about us but we didn't let it stop us.

I was on the top of every hot list I got into any club or show I wanted never had to wait for anything girls wanted to be me or hated me...Guys wanted to date me or sleep with me hey either one is flattering.

Then dad went off to Afghanistan he promised he would be back he always kept promises..Except this time..he didn't..Dad never came home he stepped on a pipe bomb and was killed. The explosion was so bad they never found a body.

After he died Momma went crazy she drank her sorrows away she never had to work while she was with dad and she couldn't find work now with no college degree or work experience.. She moved to Killbourne which is a small run down town that Brandi says Kills you as soon as you are born.

Mom had random men come over all the time who paid her for sex so she could buy her drink which started to turn into drugs she sent me to Hollywood on my own but the producers refused to do the show without me having a parent there and she wouldn't come back to La she said it was too painful to many memories.

Brandi and Trace weren't stable enough to take custody of me. So I had no choice I went back to TN..Mom seems to blame me for dad's death. I don't know why but she always reminds me of it. She says I got to caught up with fame and it drove him crazy thinking I was becoming some Hollywood teenage tragedy and he was so afraid he had to get away. I think she's just plan crazy.

Trace has distanced himself from the family he got caught up in the rock and roll life touring dating drugs and music are his life.

Brandi she's our savior I had to do this for Noie and Braz I had to get us to Brandi she would and could help us.

I hope I can do it please hope be on my side..

Sleep finally came thank god...


	12. Chapter 12 Nightmares

**Nightmares **

**December 14th 2012 **

**Jade's p.o.v**

_Oh No Stay away!_

_Daddy !Mommy! He's under the bed!_

_Help me!_

I didn't even try to stop the groan escaping as I tossed and turned my head was hurting why wouldn't someone go to the brat and shut him up? Geez he was annoying where were his parents?

_He's getting me!_

_Get back no! No ! Evil!_

Groaning I threw my covers off my body was so sore my head was pounding , why would any parent any rational one let their 8 year old son watch back to back Freddie Vrs The devil movie? Chiz they banned me from watching it 'one time you recreate the Death scene in fifth grade class and make the whole class so terrified they have to go to counseling for the rest of the year and they ban you stupid grownups I love the movies and I'm banned he gets nightmares and he gets to stay up all night and watch them back to back. Now look what happened.

Where are they to fix him now?

Another yawn escaped me as I paddled down from my room clutching the walls to stop myself from tripping. I liked the dark It makes me feel in control.

I knew the path well even in complete darkness nothing could trip me up in fact I moved faster the dark felt like home to me.

_Jade_

I jumped my heart skipped a few beats at the sound of Megan's voice my step mother coming from my brother's room.

_Megan_

My lower alto voice was almost in a deep base tone total opposite of her squeaky high cheerful way too cheerful for 1am voice .

I was still sleepy having been woken so suddenly with only having an hour of sleep to start with. She sighed looking around shaking her head. It was amazing she looked perfect even this early in the morning. Matching pink and white cashmere pj's with her slippers and perfectly straight blond hair curled to her left.

Megan was a total vegan who spent all her days working out to get her perfect size 2 body she was always dieting and eating chiz like cottage cheese tofu and organic this and that.

When she wasn't excising she was shopping.

She didn't look a day over 15 even though she was 31 she never looked stressed even now.

Going inside his room I grunted god his room was a mess the walls were a dark blue with trucks all over it clothes were spread all over his floor almost tripping me . Turning on the light I went over to where he was sitting up on his bed his blond hair tousled all over his head his face flushed his eyes red from crying tears falling freely.

Groaning inside I counted to five why was I always left in charge of the brat? I didn't even like him.

_Chase what's wrong?_

_You know it's the middle of the night right? _

He sniffled backing away from me looking around good he was afraid.

_Y..e..s.._

_You know I need my sleep right?_

He rubbed his eyes pulling his blanket and bear close to his chest I grinned as I licked my lips. He answered softly afraid.

_Y..e..s_

Rubbing my hands together he shrunk further down away from me it gave me a rush to put so much fear into him.

_You know what happens to bad little boys who wake me up in the middle of the night ?_

I focused my glare on him he curled his knees to his chest . His eyes never leaving me he wrapped his arms over his knees rocking back and forth.

_Please don't hurt me_

_I'm sorry I didn't mean to.._

_Jade please ..the monsters already hurting me_

_No more scary please_

I grinned wider as I descended he screamed just as I grabbed him pushing him down on his bed tickling him.

His shrieks of fear turned into hip-cupping laughter as he tried unsuccessfully to fight me off.

_The tickle monsters getting you_

_Oh no this is what happens to bad little boys who wake me up in the middle of the nightmares_

_Oh no not the tickle monster_ _Make her stop!_

_I'm sorry o-k-a-y pl-e-a-s-e I can't breathe!_

His laughter died down as he sat up stopping my attack he laid down breathlessly I grinned as he relaxed yawing looking at me skeptically, I slapped his leg.

_So what was the dream about?_

_The monster was pulling me down he had my knees locked there was water falling so much I couldn't escape he pulled me into the water it was crushing me.._

Funny I had the same dream when I was younger but I grew out of it.

_Chase you know it was a dream_

_Look around there's no water here there's no monsters_

_You say me I will kill you_

Slowly he looked around nodding climbing over to me I put my arms around him reluctantly.

_Come on will check no monsters under the bed_

_NO!_

_Chase I promise you it'll be fine I'll take your hand lets do it together_

He looked at me like I was crazy but I might just be so I didn't mind.

_Chase you trust me right?_

_Ye-ah ..I guess_

He laughed which made me crack a small grin but then he took my hand. Together we dropped to the floor I lifted up his sheets so we could look under the bed.

_Yuck_

_What Jade! See I told you there are monsters _

_No No monsters Chase just a disgusting little boy_

_What the monster ate a little boy! Oh my god he's coming after me next!_

_Oh god what if the devil possessed him!_

_Cool _

_No not cool Jade oh my god we need to hide_

You know I am starting to think kids have too much access to the internet and TV how else would they even know about this stuff? Sighing I shoved his head under the bed holding it there he coughed and gagged unable to scream. When he stopped thrashing I asked in my deep I dare you to go against me voice.

_See any monsters?_

_No—I see a pizza from last week and McDonald fries from last month yum!_

_No Chase don't eat that!_

I pulled him up snatching the food from his hands.

_Gross your a pig_

_By the way you are the little disgusting vermin I was referring to earlier _

_What's a V..that word...?_

_Look it up_

_I'm not a gross whatever it is you called me you freak _

_You should talk dad says you are the disgrace of this family_

He pounded his chest as he belched in my face I almost puked as I shoved him hard feeling my face burn up why did he have to bring dad up? He jumped back into bed.

_Can we get McDonalds on the way to school tomorrow?_

Really he insults me then he wants me to buy him food? I was still grossed out by his burp and I was feeling the soreness and the tiredness hitting me so I didn't care to argue anymore.

_You mean today?_

_No I mean tomorrow morning Jade _

_For a goth you sure are a dumb bunny_

I back slapped his head so hard I almost felt his pain he grabbed it crying out.

_It is morning know it all it's almost 2am now so in four hours we have to get back up_

_Thank you for that I didn't have enough sleeping issues!_

_So settle your hyper annoying bratty self down and go to sleep!_

_Maybe will go if you behave_

_Yeah! Thanks freak_

I slapped him again as I let out a grunt really wanting to scream and pelt him one pulling the covers over him I debated smothering him.

Heading back to my room I already felt like collapsing and I had the sinking feeling this was only the start to my misery coming my way.

Sleep just wouldn't come.


	13. Chapter 13 Strengths

**Cat's p.o.v**

**Strengths **

**December 13th 2012**

Bubbly, Rainbows, cute bunnies, yea I know those are the imagines people conjure up when my name pops. Most people think I have some kind of mental health issue.

It's hard to explain I guess it's confusion to most but to me it's simple. I'm happy , I love everyone I mean not everyone there are some people I can't understand at all people who abuse animals for fun or target innocent kids those people are sick and twisted and those are the people who need help.

The world is full of gloom and doom so I think we could all use a little happiness a little rainbow to lift the storm clouds.

Why shouldn't that person be me? I mean who says a 15 year old girl can't be the reason people smile? After all the bible says.

" The Children Shall Lead"

Maybe it's my place to lead people to happiness maybe it's all too deep maybe I process too much which is funny since most people say I am a airhead. I'm not really I'm very smart I just analyze things I look into things to find a deeper meaning . I feel a little too deep sometimes people perceive it's weak I say it builds character after all to experience true joy you have to go through real pain.

I've never had real unjustifiable pain personally but I've seen it felt it for people the worst pain I felt was when I lost when my I lost my Nonna my dad's mom it hurt so bad I thought I would die. Nonna was my world she was such a huge part of my child-hood. Growing up as a child in Italy she was poorer then poor. Music however was what helped her through she found so much joy in it it saw her through her parents wars of words being shuffled from her grandparents homes to Forster homes to her dad's then her mom's and her mom moving her and her brothers to Ireland.

Music saved her from the streets it gave her purpose it gave her hope she got into college she met a good man she got married she had two kids she got a great teaching job as a music teacher . It helped her through her husbands death at age 25 she poured her heart and soul into music she found it calming and soothing to pour her feelings into songs to explore the meanings of what other people felt when they were writing.

She met another man through her church music program they married two years later and had four kids.

Nonna rose in the church to become choir director she raised her kids in Ireland to love and to respect the church and music.

Growing up she always enforced the love of fairytale's to me in Ireland's rich history full of tales and legends. She believed in living life to the fullest she believed in happily ever after in hope and prayers.

Her death three years ago shock me to my core but my belief in God and Church helped me to know that Nonna was happy where she is she's in the grandest of musical choirs.

When I get sad I can look up and see her in every sunrise and every sunset.

Every twinkle of a star or moving cloud Nonna wouldn't want me to be sad she would want me to sing to dance to be happy.

She always said I had a magical gift that I could make people smile and forget their worries. She called me her Little Unicorn.

So I am as much as I want to take a unicorn and ride up to heaven to be with her I know I can't I have to live my life down here and I have a lot to be happy about.

Like music and singing they always make me happy that's why I sing whenever I can there's always a song in my head which is why I always smile cause music makes me think of happier times with Nonna.

Taking a deep breath as we finished I stretched out grinning over at my best friend Jade West who was across the room at the piano gulping down water.

Skipping over to her I was still grinning Jade has a permanent scowl on her face, she was glaring daggers at our friend Tori Vega which I hate when they fight so like always I wanted to take her frown and turn it upside down. Anytime Tori is around Jade gets defense and moody and I hate seeing her like that and beside Tori is really sweet.

Were total opposites she's tall 5'7 deathly pale with long black hair to her shoulders she dresses sexy and Gothic she has piercings and tattoo's . I'm short 5'3 with long bright Red Velvet hair and a rosy complexion I love bright colors and I'm deathly afraid of needles , she's into death I'm into rainbows she's always angry I'm always happy but no one knows Jade like I do and no one ever will.

_Jadey!_

I called out happy and enthusiastic she glared as she spun her eyes narrowing I saw her tense she got her arms crossed her left leg stiff as her right one was ready to knee anyone who pissed her off. She snapped back at me her voice laced with venom and piss.

_Wh-at?_

I leaped just as she snapped she didn't have time to properly brace herself but she did get out.

_Catrina don't!_

Too late before the don't left her lips I was mid air landing in her arms she stumbled back but she got her arms open in enough time to catch me . She held me steady to which made me giggle I knew she'd never drop me because I trust her she trusts no one.

Being in her arms always felt so right she smelled like Black Roses and Cinnamon sugar an amazing smell. I buried my head in her shoulder and neck.

_Oh Cat your heavy!_

I giggled as she put me down slapping my butt which she had no idea how fast she made my heart beat.

I wasn't even sure why but ever since I met Jade when we were younger there was always something about her that made my heart beat faster my palms sweat and my lips smile even when she was upset and insulted me I knew it wasn't how she felt not like it was with everyone else.

Our heads turned as we heard our director Janelle Jensen Speaking.

_Okay everyone listen up I know everyone's tired and hungry and it's been a long day but I wanted to let everyone know what a great job you all did tonight._

_We have one more song left but I want you all to remember the state regional comp is in one month so you must have the lyrics memorized in two weeks._

_The Winter Choral concert is this Thursday you must be at the arena by 7 pm all money will be donated to the LA's No Child Homeless Charity._

Another reason to be happy our after school choir that we belong to AXCell which stands for Accelerated Children's Charter Choir were ranked #1 for the last three years in a row. I love being part of a choir that is made up of only the best singers and musicians in all the California's Preforming art schools. I love that almost all my friends are with me Jade and Tori , Andre Harris, even Robbie Sharpio and Trina Vega Tori's older sister were not sure how she got in but yea she's here the only one missing is Beck who doesn't really like singing his thing is acting.

I massaged Jade's shoulders which I could see were aching her as we waited she jumped at my sudden touch but she didn't fight me. She relaxed as I massaged her.

I was dying for the toilet and just wanted to get out but I didn't complain it wasn't tolerated we were professionals after all.

_Everyone in place were going to rehearse Jade's Solo you guys will just be in the chorus so you can relax a little Jade are you ready?_

She nodded of course she was ready she lived for the spot light the rest of us let out little sighs as we went into places she went to the center of the room.

Of course she managed to shove poor Tori first who was almost knocked off her feet in shock I shook my head.

_What was that for?_

Tori shrieked out arms raised in a question motion as Andre helped steady her Jade smirked tossing her gorgeous hair back as she curtly said back.

_Cause I can Vega_

_Girls settle down it's after 9pm I'm sure everyone is tired and most have homework to do and some have a long drive ahead of them so lets get to work._

_Yea lets do this already! _Jade pumped her fist

She was irritable I knew that meant she needed a hit I hated how she smoked that chiz but I knew it was her way of dealing with her issues and she has some major ones.

Sighing I took my place with the soprano's 1's how did I get stuck next to Trina?

After a brief pause Tori probably still thinking Jade was going to hit her again started playing and Jade's rich powerful and soul touching voice rang through. She put so much emotion into this song you couldn't help but fall in love and feel so deeply for her.

_Feeling broken  
Barely holding on  
But there's just something so strong  
Somewhere inside me  
And I am down but I'll get up again  
Don't count me out just yet_

I've been brought down to my knees  
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking  
But I can take it  
I'll be back  
Back on my feet  
This is far from over  
You haven't seen the last of me  
You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that  
I won't stay around  
But I'm gonna stand my ground  
You're not gonna stop me  
You don't know me  
You don't know who I am  
Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees  
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking  
But I can take it  
I'll be back  
Back on my feet  
This is far from over  
You haven't seen the last of me

_There will be no fade out  
This is not the end  
I'm down now  
But I'll be standing tall again  
Times are hard but  
I was built tough  
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of_

I've been brought down to my knees  
And I've been pushed right past the point of breaking  


_But I can take it  
I'll be back  
Back on my feet  
This is far from over  
I am far from over  
You haven't seen the last of me_

No no  
I'm not going nowhere  
I'm staying right here  
Oh no  
You won't see me fade out  
I'm not taking my bow  
Can't stop me  
It's not the end  
You haven't seen the last of me  
Oh no  
You haven't seen the last of me  
You haven't seen the last of me 

To me it showed her strength cause I know it's a perfect song for her you could call her whatever you wanted but people don't call her for what she really is ..deep down Jade is a survivor through all her bitterness and nastiness hides her real name .

**A/N You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me by Cher still not owning chiz :{ thanks to all my reviewers **

**so anyone see the xfactor finale? Thoughts on it? Follow me on twitter I have many alias's **

** /GrandeNonna**

** /mileycfan4eva my main one**

** /jmmcfan**

** /Samandcatareone my cat's twitter **

** /samandcat4eva**


	14. Chapter 14 Justice

**Justice**

**Cat's p. o. v**

Once Jade was done everyone was silent There was just something about Jade when she sung that made everyone shut up and listen ..well okay Jade herself can make a grown man piss himself silently crying tears..but her singing was touching.

Mrs. Jensen cleared her throat smiling as she nodded in Jade's direction before saying to the rest of us.

_That was excellent Jade but every singer could always use critique to improve so does anyone have any?_

Slowly kids started offering suggestions and she took them without getting mad or threatening anyone.

Satisfied Mrs. Jensen dismissed us I hated for practice to end normally but man I had to pee badly. Grabbing my lower half I shoved my way through the crowd.

_There goes Cat like clockwork her bladder tells us when class is over_

I giggled at Tori I mean yes it was a diss but it was true my bladder always told me when class was suppose to be over every hour on the hour.

_All better pretty kitty?_

I giggled at Jade's nickname for me as I came out zippering my jeans up nodding she grunted as I hugged her. I know she loves no demands her personal space but she never gets mad at me her nickname which she only uses in private makes me happy and I can't help but giggle. I held her close breathing in her sweet perfume.

_Yes Rose_

I answered softly in her ear she still groaned but I didn't care to me she is a rose my beautiful strong wild dark, mysterious always strong black rose.

_Cat your parents are waiting for us lets go_

_Yay!_

I clapped as she picked up our stuff heading outside to meet my parents Daniella and Tate Valentine who were waiting in the car. As soon as we got outside my mom ran out to greet me I squealed out running up to her. She caught me mid air as I giggled .

_Hey baby doll did you have a great day ?_

_Yes!_

She kissed my face as I giggled while she brushed my hair back her hugs always made me feel loved and treasured, protected.

My mom's been my best friend since I was born her fingers were the first to wrap around mine to guide me.

My mom's so pretty she is always being compared to Khloe **Kardashian** she's tall with long flowing bronzed stripped blond hair to her back. Sparkly hazel eyes she's tanned she's fit she should be since she is a personal trainer to celebrities. My mom loves music she's played drums in a punk rock band through middle school to college she's always encouraged me but never pushed me into music she dreamed of making it for so long but when she had my older brother Justice at only 19 she had to be real and find a job so she could support him. She started teaching exercise at a local center she built a program to each person's needs. People were so happy they started repping her up. By the time she was out of college she had a full blown business.

I came along two years later and from the moment I came my parents gave me everything I ever wanted.

_I love you mommy can we go to Mickey D's?_

She patted my butt laughing as I clung to her neck she dragged me smiling as she shock her head.

_I don't think you need it honey you have enough padding_

Jade laughed so hard I thought she's piss herself I shot her a glance but she smiled at my mom knowing she was only joking.

_Momma dear I'm not the one everyone says has a Kardashian butt so I wouldn't talk_

_Ah-_

She gasped which made me smile as she pouted pronouncing

_Catrina Ariana Valentine!_

_Get your oversized butt and mouth in that car right this instant before I kick it and no we will not go to McDonald's!_

I pouted as she kicked my butt I squealed as Jade fell on the concrete laughing I glared snapping at her.

_I hope you bust a knee cap West literally _

She held her stomach as she rolled on the cerement mom smiled as I threw my bags in the car.

_Hey princess!_

My dad stepped outside the car as I ran to him he caught me

_Hi Daddy! _

I called out cheerful again as I threw my arms over his upper body he grinned spinning me around.

His lips kissed the top of my head as I nuzzled my face into his chest.

_What's going on out here princess?_

_Mommy's being mean she won't let us go to Mickey' Ds _

I pouted

_You want Mickey D's darlin' you will get it_

_Yes! Thank you my little daddy!_

_Of course princess_

I hugged him harder as I watched mom help Jade up dusting off the dirt she was laughing so hard she was crying now. Mom shock her head slapping Jade's butt shoving her towards the car seeing Jade smile and laugh made me happy.

_Hey mommy daddy says we can get McDonald's_

Another gasp as she hit my dad's arm scolding him

_Tate how are we suppose to teach the little brat that she can't always get what she wants when you under mind what I say she needs to be punished esp when she insults her mother the woman who gave her life._

She glared at me I stuck my tongue out at her watching the video Jade was showing me of a Kitten trying to eat a french fry. I awed and gasped at the cute little thing as Dad replied back to mom.

_Were not Daniella because my princess gets what ever she wants whenever she wants it_

Mom crossed her arms sticking out her tongue at me Jade was still laughing.

_Jadelyn would you like McDonald's as well?_

My dad flinched

_Sorry Jade_

She was laughing too hard to care about his slip but she nodded mom kept grumbling.

_I don't know how you can eat that carb soaked greasy Preservative_ _infested crap_

_Gross _

_Mom please stop my stomach hurts _

_Of course it does Cat it knows its about to be plagued with that..._

_Daniella let her go_

_You always defend her I'm your wife were suppose to co-parent her_

_That's cause I'm daddy's princess_

_Yes you are pumpkin_

Dad grinned as he pulled up to McDonald's or as we call it Mickey D's he has nicknames for every food chain.

_What would you like Princess?_

_A happy meal please cheeseburger and fries with a coke a extra large coke_

My mom made a gagging sound she's a vegan and brought me and Justice up that way but last year the gang made me try a taco and after the waves of vomiting and diarrhea stopped two days later I couldn't get that meaty greasy taste out of my system and I wanted it I needed it. Mom hates it that I eat meat but she left it up to me now since I'm 15 going on 16. I only eat it once in a while and tonight I was craving it!

_So how was school today girls?_

_Awesome I made a new costume _

_What's that princess?_

Jade arched a eyebrow I swatted her arm glaring at her as I blushed deep as she mocked me by saying.

_Yea Princess tell daddy what his little girl made_

I glared at her

_I made little red riding hood_

_Oh that sounds darling princess _

_It was..._

I crossed my arms glaring at Jade who shrugged filing her nails. Mom sighed as she asked her.

_Jade what did you do?_

_It's not my fault Mrs. Valentine _

_Apparently Kitties Mommy and daddy never warned her about the big bad wolf!_

She leaped fingers spread out pointed I screamed as she tickled me my parents laughed.

Jade got food for her little brother as we headed to her place to give it to him.

_Are you staying tonight Jade?_

_If it's okay with you yes I am_

_Of course Jade your always welcome_

We headed to Jade's place she lives in Wilshire it always makes me cringe her building is super fancy but as impressive as it is to the eyes it's a disguise I know the evils that lurk behind the cover of money.

Mom's cell blared out as we pulled up to Jade's building where the doorman was waiting to help her out of the car.

_Hello?_

_Yes I am Mrs. Valentine_

My heart dropped I was so happy she was spending the night we hadn't had a sleepover in ages , the sound of mom's voice made my heart drop lower.

_Yes I am his mother_

_Oh no not again will be right there_

I sat back almost in tears Jade wrapped her arm over my shoulders she knew what it meant.

_Honey_

Mom turned to me I sighed but squeaked out a ..

_Yes mommy?_

She squeezed my leg

_I'm sorry babe you'll have to have your sleepover another night Justice was arrested again_

_We need to get to central_

I sighed holding back my tears Jade gave me a hug which made me feel a little better.

_Jade I am sorry _

_It's okay Mrs. Valentine I understand Justice is your son he's lucky to have parents who care_

_Thanks for the food I'll call you later Kitty stay strong_

Her door was opened for her.

I watched her go mouthing the same words back to her "Stay Strong" My tears fell steadily. Why did Justice always get in trouble? He was always spoiling my plans.

We pulled away I watched her slowly walk inside she wasn't in any hurry she was dreading it I knew it. My heart broke for her.

Hours later we were home I was exhausted and my head was hurting.

For a boy named Justice he sure spent a lot of time in the Juvenile Justice system he was named right maybe momma had a premonition when she was pregnant.

His latest charge was stealing a car and joy riding.

I love him I do but he drives me crazy Justice can be the sweetest person when he wants to be but unfortunately Justice has something called Schizophrenia.

I had a hard time understanding what that was when I first heard but now that I'm older.

I know Schizophrenia is a serious psychiatric illness that causes strange thinking, strange feelings, and unusual behavior.

Justice was first diagnosed back in fourth grade I was too young to really remember a lot but I remember him acting strange.

He was always one of my best friends we would spend hours hiding from mom and dad laughing and making up stories and adventures. We would pretend to be these characters from our fav tv shows and make up different stories.

When I was little he had me convinced that it was real that if I really wanted I could be those characters but then one day I started understanding there was a difference between real and fake it was called acting.

Then I started seeing that Justice couldn't tell the difference. His teacher started seeing the same things he would talk to himself for hours it was like he was seeing and hearing things happening that weren't really happening.

His speech changed he would make up words and confuse words and he would get raging mad if we told him he was wrong.

He would have the strangest thoughts and ideas he would be convinced that the people on TV were trying to send him a secret message it got to the point I was afraid to watch TV with him when I was 8 he had me so terrified that Will smith was going to kill me that I wet the bed every night for two months.

He didn't have friends because he was so moody he would flip on a dime and everyone was afraid of him. As a result I was picked on because of him.

That's why I dived into acting.

I could be someone else and not have to face reality it gave me a sense of relief but unlike Justice at the end I always came back down.

Justice was always in trouble with the law getting in trouble for his crazy thinking.

Usually just in time to screw up my plans like tonight. I was forever getting pushed aside when my parents needed to go to help him out of some mess he created.

We've tried drugs and therapy and so much else he'll be okay for a little while but then he'll lapse he goes to a special school now and he's doing well but still.

I wish I could stay mad at him it would make dealing with this all so much easier but I can't cause he's still my big brother and I love him

Like tonight even though he messed up big time he bought me a purple unicorn it plays music she played " Over the rainbow" I named her Hope because she's beautiful like hope.

I clutched her head as Daddy came in he looked tired I felt bad for him he was such a great daddy and I know it hurts him to see Justice suffering.

_Hey Princess are you okay?_

_Yea daddy I'm good is Justice okay?_

_He'll be fine baby he forgot to take his meds today but we got him on them now_

_I'm sorry your plans got ruined but will make it up to you this weekend_

He rubbed my hair and my back I smiled as I cuddled Hope and snuggled into my colorful bed. He smiled as he played with my hair.

_It's your birthday this Saturday princess what would you like to do?_

I grinned 16! I couldn't believe in two days I would be sweet 16. I shrugged feeling tired.

_Maybe visit Disney land and have dinner out_

_Sounds great princess will make a day out of it_

_Can Jade come daddy?_

_Yes of course baby now get some sleep you have school tomorrow_

_Yay I love my school..._

_I know you do baby girl_

After I said my prayers with my dad I pressed hope's stomach and her sweet lullaby lured me into sleep. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	15. Chapter 15 Barbie Bitch

**Barbie Bitch**

**Jade's p.o.v**

**A/N Warning this chapter contains adult themes of Sexual Explicit Material. Lyrics to Barbie Girl Belong To Claus Norreen, Soren Nystrom Rasted.**

_I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world_

_AH-_

I was going to kill him damn him after everything I had done for that kid last night the little freak snuck into my room and changed my alarm clock. Uh why didn't god stop with me? Wasn't my life cursed enough ? Groaning I ruled over trying to pry sleep deprived eyes open my stomach grumbled from not eating since two days ago.

Rolling over I stretched out yawing as that blasted song shrieked out in all it's pretty loud happy ugliness.

_Wrapped in plastic it's fantastic _

Fantastic my butt uh who ever thought of the idea of making hormonal teens wake up at 4am everyday so we could be locked together in a 8by 10 room should be shot. I would be the 1st in line.

Another long yawn as I manged to get my creaking body up I shock my head trying to get the tension out of my neck and head and shoulders. I barely slept again last night a few minutes here and there but nothing substantial.

_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, make your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock 'n' roll, feel the glamor and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky_

_Ah!_

I screamed frustration leaking through as I bought my fist down on the stupid alarm clock blaring out Barbie Girl by Aqua and the time 6:40. whoever thought of the asinine song like Barbie girl? I mean who really wants to have Barbies life? No one is perfect all the time and it's a twisted sick lie to make young girls think that anyone is and to make them think that they have to try to be as perfect as some stupid plastic size 2 doll is a illusion that can never be held up it's only going to lead to anorexia bulimia self hate and humiliation and pain. In short Barbie in my opinion is a bitch.

Chiz..did my clock say 6:40? oh god! What in the..chiz monkey's riding chiz balls I'm late! I shot out of bed so fast I twisted my ankle crashing to the ground. Groaning I got up racing to the bathroom.

_Move.._

I shoved Chase out of the way but apparently he was in just as much as a foul mood as I was cause he shoved me back hard.

Hard enough to make the pressure on my ankle so strong it gave out sending me crashing to the ground as I fell against the tub which he loved laughing.

_Loser_

He spat it out at me as I glared I swear I was so mad I could feel the smoke coming out of my face.

_I'm going to kill you!_

_I swear I hate you you blood soaked evil little rat-turd _

_Your hatred is just fuel to light my cold shrunken rat-turd unfeeling uncaring heart up_

_Here's a sign of my appreciation_

He shoved his bare butt in my face and farted before I could fight him off the gas burned my eyes and my throat making me almost gag it was horrible.

He laughed dancing around as I shot up so fast he was taking back the pain was intense but I ignored it focusing solely on killing him. Grabbing his shirt he tried to twist away from my grasp he screamed as I pulled him up the look of fear on his little face made me lick my lips grinning. His feet kicked out as he tried to escape one foot connected with the door slamming it shut.

I yanked on him and shoved him down hard on his back he yelped hands flying trying to connect with me but I dodged him. Which was hard being blinded by the ultra bright lights Megan had installed so she could see her perfect little barbie inspired self.

_Oh I hate you fat ass get off of me!_

_Your lazy you can't even get up on time now were going to have to take the bus and skip McDonald's_

_I hate cafeteria food! Now that's all I get cause of you stupid fat-ass_

_Your so self-fish and lazy I.._

Sick of hearing his ranting I shoved my fingers against his throat stopping his speech ability he gurgled a bit still trying hit me as I sat on him.

_Keep talking little man_

_Oh wait you can't can you?_

_Feel that?_

He gasped and gurgled I laughed

_That's called a pressure point_

_Know what it does?_

Of course he couldn't answer but he shock his head.

_Stops the blood flow_

_Feel the life draining out of you?_

_Feel the lack of oxygen getting to your brain_

_This is what happens to bad little boys who.._

Slam the bathroom door flew open as I was flung off of Chase who gasped color returning to his face.

I felt my body start to shake.

_What the hell is going on in here?_

Our dad stood in the doorway pissed off more so then I had seen him in awhile. Neither of us moved or made a motion to speak which fueled his anger he pounded the granite top.

The motions my stomach were making were speaking volumes oh god please don't let me vomit. I was afraid to even swallow even the slightest salvia would make my stomach revolt. The smell of chase's gas assault was still burning my mouth and eyes.

_I asked you a question and I except an answer damn it!_

He roared again I felt Chase shaking beside me as I sat perfectly still my body starting to go into it's numb state.

I wouldn't let him see me afraid or disgusted he would never get that power over me anymore.

_I said answer me!_

_When I ask a question it's not that hard to give me a answer both of you ungrateful brats have no problems running your mouths three minutes ago did you?_

Again we stayed silent Chase was burying his head in my back his shaking getting worse making my nerves worse with one swoosh dad tore his belt off just as I knew it would the cold leather made contact with my face.

_Your the oldest problem child you always have something smart to say so say it Jadelyn!_

God I hate that name my face burned my head and my neck ached and my stomach felt tight trying to keep itself down.

_What's your problem Jadelyn? Do I need to teach you another lesson?_

_Haven't you learned what happens to bad little girls?_

Why was I getting the blame? A question I asked millions of times in my past but no one ever has a answer. Even if I did would it really change my actions? I wouldn't sell out my brother not when I knew the outcome.

_Get up boy!_

Chase didn't move please god let him move. He was crying now I felt something wet against my butt and my thigh it wasn't tears beautiful chase..but I couldn't be mad at him not really he was only 8 and I was 16 and felt like I could piss myself.

_Do you want to be punished like your sister is going to be damn it?_

He was braver then me his little voice shock but with confidence I never possessed he answered.

_No sir'_

Dad laughed before yelling out.

_Then get your pissy weak pathetic ass up dumb-ass _

_I can't..Ja-de.._

My heart broke still unable to speak my hatred for my dad burning bright I grabbed Chase and shoved him up towards the door.

_Go..Now.._

I croaked it out he turned to me looking like a scared 5 year old he was torn wanting to run to escape realization that his dream last night was a reflection of our reality. The monster he dreamed about was standing in front of us..he was now scared to leave me alone with the monster.

_Go.._

I manged to get out again in just a whisper as the belt made contact with my lips he screamed running I fell the rest of the way to the ground from the vibration. Dad slammed the door laughing as he advanced to me.

I felt his rough calloused hands pick me up I felt the air flying past me it was cold . He body slammed my back so hard against the wall pictures fell one shattered sending shards of glass flying all over. The pain hit me like a ton of bricks. I breathed through my nose afraid to open my mouth for fear of getting sick.

_Answer me Jade why did you start with your little brother?_

_He's little he looks up to you for protection_

He was so close to me I couldn't breathe he smelled so bad like beer and cologne a sickeningly sweet combo one I've learned to loathe over the years.

I never answer him it drove him mad he let go but even as my cold feet hit the tiles I knew this was far from over. His eyes swept over my body as he raised his belt slapping me across the face. I tasted blood in my mouth before I felt it. Over and over the pain of the leather bashed my face against the wall.

When he thought my face had enough he grabbed me turning me around it was all done without words he slammed my face over and over face first against the tiles blood splattered my nose shattered the pain was so intense I wanted to faint. I didn't cry I never would.

_Take off your pants now!_

Screw you father I never would I don't care how much I suffer I would never give him access freely . He waited when I made no movement he got angrier grabbing my hair I felt my eyes roll back my head felt like it was split open but I still didn't comply.

_You just won't learn will you Jadelyn?_

_If you listened this wouldn't of happened!_

_Look what you made me do you ugly bitch_

Bam he slammed my face into the wall I saw stars my legs screamed at me threatening to give up. Over and over he repeated this changing sides when my legs started to weaver he stopped then I died..in one swift motion my pants and underwear were down, cold air rushed my legs mixing with the heat from my face it made me shiver he laughed. I swallowed fighting off the urge to vomit. Tears of shame and blame filled my chest as he squeezed my butt running his hands over it.

_It's so firm Jadelyn I bet Beck shuddered in pleasure_

His breath was up against my right check against the wall I glared hoping all my hate and disgust for him shone through but of course it didn't burn him alive like I hoped. 

It seemed to amuse him he laughed running a free hand over my hair his touch sent waves of shame and fear coursing through me.

I felt dirty.

Finally I breathed out when he pushed off the wall but it was a mistake that cost me in seconds the belt was across my bare bottom. The sudden contact made me gasp which he loved.

_I knew you were a bad girl Jadelyn cause only a bad girl would love this_

_That gasp tells daddy all I need to know you are a very bad little girl_

I gripped the wall tighter but it was no use as I hard as I pressed myself into it the wall wouldn't swallow me up . My tears burned my throat and my eyes the acid in my stomach burned holes through my insides. The pain in my legs gave way eating through my muscles. Like the leather sweeping across my skin. Tearing it open and leaving it bloody.

You think he would be winded but no he was beaming as he dropped the belt and pulled my hair back making me face him now slamming my back against the wall.

He got so close every part of his was touching every part of me.

_I bet you make Beck very happy _

_I know you've been practicing what I taught you _

I glared not caring anymore my nose and mouth both filled with blood my head spinning he laughed 'wanna laugh daddy' I thought bitterly taste it..before I thought I spit at him grinning for all of three seconds before his fist made contact with my eye knocking me to the ground.

I didn't get to grab it before he was pulling me up by my hair he slammed me into the shower stall unzippering his pants.

They fell to the ground as he got in behind me closing the glass door. I really did it this time. His face was beat red now his anger was visible in his clenched fist.

I was frozen in fear as I stood against the wall trapped by the wall and his body pressing close, he grabbed my wrist holding them above my head his breath hitting my face.

Fear had taken over every fiber of my body ..

_Why were you rushing this morning Jade?_

I didn't answer ..I didn't want to..why would I give him a reason? Yet we had come to the point where I knew I had to if I wanted to go to school I had to answer.

Blood made speech hard but slowly I answered clearly my voice seemed far away..

_Cause I was late_

_You were what child? Who am I ? _

_How do you answer me?_

Swallowing the blood made me sicker I felt the dizziness I retried.

_Because I was late sir'_

_Why were you late?_

_Cause I over slept!_

_Why did you over sleep?_

I knew the truth but I wouldn't give it to him he wanted to hear what he wanted.

So I gave it to him even though it killed me.

_Because I am lazy and ungrateful sir'_

_That's right you are a lazy fat ugly useless money hugging whore_

_What are you racing for though Jadelyn?_

_School sir'_

_Why are you racing when there's a school right down the street?_

_Because I am a spoiled brat and I am not satisfied with this school_

_That's right Jadelyn you are _

_Now tell Daddy why you are spoiled?_

_Be-Because I want to go to sp.. special school_

_Yes what school is that?_

_A preforming arts one_

_That's right a school filled with spoiled rich ego driven kids who can't face reality and get a real job who want to live in fantasy.._

_What's the difference between you and them Jadelyn?_

I couldn't swallow now I was almost in tears but I kept them in check.

_I have no talent I'm worthless I'll never succeed_

_That's right Jadelyn so why do I pay thousand of dollars for you to go there? _

_Because you want me to fall flat on my face in disgrace so everyone can see what a waste of space I am_

_Good girl see you are teachable_

His hands ran down my body his voice went from angry and punishing to husky and seductive.

Most kids can't do enough to get out of school they whine fake stomach aches, headaches . Me I have to endure all of that for real just to go to school. People have no idea the shame I go through everyday how it eats away at my soul my innocence ..my pride. No one knows what it cost me everyday just to earn the chance to walk through those doors. Well one person does..Cat..

A long time ago I learned to play his game by his rules because as inhuman as it was..my life without music acting without a way to express my self it was hell.

I had to endure the pain anyway so I might as well get something out of it if it wasn't school he find another reason to punish me.


	16. Chapter 16 Glass Houses

**Glass Houses **

**Jade's p. o .v**

**A/N Contains Sexual Explicit Material ..This will prob be the last update before Christmas so I hope everyone has a awesome holiday in whatever you celebrate and thanks for reading and please review. **

I knew what he wanted ..I knew what I had to do. I just never knew for how long I would have to do it for . It's been this way since I can remember always asking permission or worse forgiveness. I can't pin point when I knew or how I knew . I know I was small but I was a fast learner , the one thing I never learned was how to get use to it. I learned ways to cope to survive but getting use to it...I don't think I can ever learn that..I shouldn't have to.. I always hurt ..but the hurt ..it becomes like a sponge I learned to soak it up ..I bleed it out through my music, my scripts.

My eyes avoided his now I would never get use to seeing the sick pleasure in his or the shame I knew lived in mine.

_So Jadelyn what is it you want from daddy? Do you want permission?_

I licked my bloody chapped lips yea I could taste it now.

_I want to go to school daddy please_

Sir was over now it was daddy..my voice was soft but he liked it he brushed hair out of my face as he smiled.

_Let me think about this should I let my ungrateful spoiled daughter go to her fancy school?_

Oh bad how much was this going to hurt? When will he start? What will I think about? Cat..her beautiful smile her child like laughter her pouting when her mom said No last night. Damn she was so cute. Wait a minute why would I think Cat's cute? She's a girl ..I'm a girl ..Pull yourself together West your starting to snap. No it can't be Cat too dangerous she made me smile..Smiling could get me in trouble.

While those thoughts were distracting me his hand had entered me, I grasped the shower rod on the wall as his fingers entered me over and over.

Closing my eyes I started to tell myself

You'll get through this ..it's not daddy's hands in you it's Beck's he's inside of you exploring you loving you..Picture his sweet face..my chest hurt so bad from unshed tears and fear. How could human fingers entering you feel like razors sharpened to cut you.

When would it end? Please let me get through this..Beck conjure up Beck..it worked two years ago..five months ago even..picture his smiling face telling you that your beautiful he loves you. Feel his gentle touch as he enters you telling you that he loves being in you and that your special. No matter how hard I tried this time I couldn't get his face..instead I felt my dad's harsh calloused hands ripping inside of me and pulling out. He went from one..to..two..to..three..my breathing was fast and painful not from excitement or pleasure but from shame and pain.

When I closed my eyes it wasn't Beck that I saw the imagine was hazy red..it wasn't my dad either..I should be relieved ..but I felt more afraid.

I didn't want to see his black soulless eyes staring back at me or see his hands running over my nipples squeezing them god it hurt make it stop please god.

_Spread your legs further bad girl_

I felt sicker dizzier dirtier..Don't throw up I said to myself never again would I do that I was seven the last time I made that mistake he pushed my face down in it holding it there while the smell sunk into my skin hair nose and pores then he made me lick it up. I was sick for days after but never once did I throw up ever again.

My fingers were in my mouth it was nasty it gagged me he laughed pulling them out.

_Don't like the taste Jadelyn?_

_Try cleaning your nasty self even dirty girls need to be cleaned_

_Do you wanna smell like fish? Then clean yourself_

_You taste sweet to me Jadelyn_

_Too bad your sweetness down there doesn't radiate up here_

He slapped my mouth which stung worse but then he placed his mouth over mine grabbing my hand which went limp he violently pulled placing it against that area where he peed.

This isn't happening this is a nightmare not my reality but it was he moved my hand over himself as he kissed me deeper he was getting bigger and harder it made me sicker but I couldn't move. He pulled his mouth off of mine long enough to groan loud and long before announcing.

_Good girl now were both wet enough _

My mind switched over to my best distraction as he thrusted himself inside of me fire tore through my crotch .. I closed my eyes as he pressed himself inside of me against me ..my mind raced with a canter.

_Dear Hope_

_I write to you in hopes of a future without constant pain_

_Dear Hope I write to you not in seeking answers but solutions_

_Dear Hope I long for the day I am rid of this madness I call home_

_Dear Hope can you hear me? _

_I want to tell you my story_

_Not his side_

_Dear Hope please let me get through_

_Not just this day_

_I live moment by moment _

_Dear Hope_

_I'm left alone I am so cold_

_Please Hope are you anywhere?_

_Near me? Far from me?_

_Can you let me feel your rays?_

_Dear Hope_

_I am in shock _

_I know I shake in fear But I am worthy of your love_

_Dear Hope_

_I am worthy or am I tainted?_

_Dear Hope_

_I sing to you...I pray for you..I wish for you_

Blackness lifted me as he grunted pulling out right after he came but I couldn't relax it wasn't over. He took my hand running it over him he was relaxed lost in his sick and twisted pleasure.

_Feel how happy you made Daddy Jadelyn?_

_You were a very good girl_

I should of nodded but my stupid mouth took over my brain once again as I spat out gritting my teeth.

_I hate you_

His face changed he became angry he hit me across the face then I was in a choke hold.

_Never I mean Never disrespect Your daddy Jadelyn your just in need of lesson after lesson_

_Aren't you?_

He grabbed my neck turning me slamming my face against the faucet the pain in my eye was so horrible, I gasped screaming out as he forced himself inside my butt.

I repeated the cantor

_Dear Hope let me live through this day_

_Moment to moment_

_Dear Hope God please why won't you open your doors?_

As if someone was listening the door flung open and Megan ran inside breathless. My eyes rose to meet hers could she would she help me?

All my fear and shame I tried to let her see make her see..

_What are you doing?_

_Oh my god she's a child let her go!_

Dad turned to her his voice icy and harsh

_Mind your own damn business woman she's my daughter not yours!_

_I'll teach her whatever lesson she needs to learn_

_If you know what is good for you you'll get the hell out of here_

I screamed I never felt pain so intense he slammed my head against the wall

_Shut the hell up child it's only the head_

_Stop carrying on _

_Take it like the dog all you bitches are_

_Megan I'm warning you get out!_

My eyes found her's, I pleaded with all I had her face looked torn she wanted to help me her tears fell for me. It almost broke me then she turned away mouthing " I'm sorry" just like that the door closed and so did my Hope. Then he was in me fully grunting and groaning holding me so tight I couldn't breath. Blackness took over and I welcomed her.

When Light returned all the pain hit me at once . I was in agony but I was alone. Slowly I pushed myself up every movement was like needles and pins shooting through me.

The warm water stung but I didn't move away I took the soap and scrubbed and scrubbed till I was raw then I washed and scrubbed and washed all over again.

_What took you so long lazy fat ass?_

Chase was outside the door as I flung it open he saw my face but he didn't stop whining. I felt it the blood had faded but the bruising was just starting.

_Now I'm never going to get my McDonald's you promised me!_

_I hate you Jade you lied to me! Your mean_

_Shut the hell up Chase!_

I screamed slamming my bedroom door and locking it falling against it as I shock I refused to release it.

I threw the first decent thing I could find on then put on as much makeup as I needed. The makeup burned my face like acid but there was no way anyway could see what he had done no one could see that this illusion that daddy had built inside of glass condo was anything but perfect after all Daddy had worked so hard to hold up this perfect imagine of us. He was the CEO of a bank he made us all go to these fancy parties and play our parts of devoted kids and wife. Everyone at school thought I was a bitch because I flashed my money around and used my dad's connections to get to places in my career but they didn't know me. I flashed my money so I could hide the truth and besides I might as well use what I had he owed me. I would never in a million years use his connections to get me anywhere even if he let me which he would never let me. I was never going to be in debited to him for anything I couldn't wait to get the hell out of this glass house.

_Let's go Brat_

_About time Jadelyn now we have to take the bus.._

He whined the whole way down the steps god I was dizzy and sick to my stomach when we reached the front door Megan's voice halted me. Sending waves of hate coursing through me.

She touched my arm but I yanked mine away glaring as I barked to Chase,

_Lets go brat or walk yourself next time_

_I'm eight I can't!_

_Then Shut your damn mouth I'm not in the mood_

_Your never in the mood Jadelyn_

I shoved him out in the hall so hard he almost fell Megan gasped I hated the bus as much as he did. I liked watching the city come alive I liked walking the whole way to school. I could really use McDonald's or food in general but I couldn't swallow. Even if we had time which we didn't we needed to hustle I hated missing school even more. I knew Cat was prob freaking out to . Megan tried to call to me but I ignored her let her see how it feels to call out for someone when you needed someone the most and have them turn their back on you.


	17. Chapter 17 Glass Houses Shatter

**Glass Houses Shatter**

**Jade's p. o .v **

The bus was over crowded hot and stuffy Chase wouldn't stop whining and my already pounding head was getting worse from this couple in their late twenties arguing over child support. I moved Chase to the back of the bus away from them. Which of course he mumbled about it.

City buses are always interesting you can learn a lot about people , sometimes I just like to sit back and listen to what each person is saying everyone has a story you just have to be willing to listen.

Why didn't this dude pay his ex-gf for support? Was he a lazy bum? Was he struggling to find work? Did he gamble his money away? Drink it up? Did she just want too much was she too demanding? Maybe he suspected the child wasn't his?

Why didn't she just take his butt to court?

Why did they think a public bus was the best place to figure this stuff out?

The elderly lady sitting alone talking to herself the one that smelled like piss who was she? What had she seen in her life? Was she poor? Where was her family? Did she have family? Did they disown her? Were they ashamed? Did she have some kind of fight with them?

They young man jamming to his ipod? Did he have a good relationship with his parents? Did he get that ipod for Christmas last year? What were his dreams his hopes? Did he do well in school did his parents reward him with that ipod? Would he be the next DJ?

The city passed by in a colorful blade bright neon signs declaring what each store was selling.

_Jade_

Chase pulled on my arm I watched the business people in back by us. Did they enjoy their jobs? Why did they chose their professions? Did they treat their kids with respect love them? What did they mean to them?

_Jade?_

Chase called more forcefully . My eyes fell on the biking looking dude sleeping in the corner his hair spread out all over the seat and his face .

Where was his ride why was he on the bus? Did he crash it up? Was he restoring it? Why would a guy want his hair to be that long people would think he was a girl.

_Jade!_

Chase stomped on my foot I screamed out in pain and shock glaring as he hissed at me.

_Pull the string we missed our stop I'm too short to reach it!_

_Crap_

I mumbled non to softly earning a glare from some prissy looking woman sitting next to where we were standing.

The bus halted to a screeching stop . Chase glared at me grumbling about me not only being fat and lazy now I was stupid as well.

_I'm sick of your laziness and your stupidity Jade it always costs me everything!_

_You can't even get up on time now I can't get food and I have to eat at the stupid school food_

Everyone on the street was looking at us as we got off and everyone on the bus was staring at us my face flushed with embarrassment. My breathing was fast I lost control I didn't think I just reacted.

I let out a primitive scream as I pushed him shoving him off the step he screamed falling down face first. People gasped on the bus even the bus drivers mouth snapped open.

I felt a million different emotions anger at my dad for using me as his little play toy anger at myself for letting myself be used and not stopping it. Anger at Megan yet another grownup who didn't protect me.

Shame I felt dirty I felt used and I felt sick.

I was sick and tired of being sick with myself. I was sick of hurting. I just wanted some peace and mostly I felt like shit for taking it out on Chase he was only 8.

He was acting out of fear over what he had seen and heard today I know why he was so eager to get out to go to school cause it was his safe haven just like it was mine.

_Chase I'm sorry.._

I reached down for him.

_Get away from me bitch!_

He shot up kicking me in the groin I groaned falling to the ground on my knee's almost losing the tears I worked so hard to keep back.

_I hate you Jade!_

His hand shot out slapping me across the face taking off running as I stumbled down the last of the steps falling against the metal bus stop stand while people pushed past me to get on the bus or off the bus making comments.

_Stupid kids take your problems somewhere else we have lives to live_

_Too much TV too much damn drama in these kids lives_

The agony was over whelming as I collapsed on the sidewalk cold and in too much pain to even scream. Laying there I wondered for the millionth time what did I do to deserve this?

The pain took over me in waves the dizziness threatened to over take me. I needed help I knew I did but who could I call?

Cat...My hands shock as I picked up my phone sending her a text. I felt my eyes rolling back.


	18. Chapter 18 Shards Cut

**Shards Cut...**

**Jade p.o .v**

I'm not sure how I managed to get up but I fought with everything I had to lift my tired bruised pain-filled body up and drag my half dead carcass to school ten blocks away.

_Jade!_

The minute I crossed into the doors Cat's worried voice called out to me. I looked up through the haze of tears that were trying to break free to see her running down the school steps. I could barely move I was so dizzy and everything was on fire. I gasped the walls pulling myself along to get every step out.

Even picking my neck up to look at Cat's face shot pain through my whole body which caused my knees to shake.

_Oh my god Jade..._

Cat dropped her books running to me just as I reached my locker and my legs quit. I fell in a heap crying out Cat's arms wrapped themselves around me.

I wanted to feel her strength and her warmth but I was ashamed she couldn't see what he had done to me she couldn't know the things he made me do and she would she would see right through me. I couldn't lose her she was the one person who loved me and respected me and wasn't terrified of me.

_No! Don't touch me!_

I screamed it at her but she didn't jump back even though I knew she must have been shocked, I knew I looked like hell I felt it but she was steady she was calm as she lowered herself next to me her beautiful brown eyes staring right through mine. She covered her mouth shaking as I screamed out worse then when Bella screamed in her bed over that Ed kid's leaving.

The pain was ripping through me in every muscle, every ligament, I could barely breath I was shaking so hard . I swallowed as I fought back the vomit we didn't talk there were no words needed slowly she wrapped her arms around me her left hand slowly but steadily moved up to grasp the back of my head.

Her eyes asked all the questions.

_It was bad this time wasn't it?_

I nodded even that hurt so bad it caused me to scream the saliva that swallowed almost made me vomit. She held me while my body shock , her warm soft gentle hands warmed my cold wrinkled skin making me shiver , I was so grateful to her and for the fact that it was between classes so no one saw us.

_Oh god Jade My little Jadey why didn't you call me?_

_I would of picked you up sweetie_

I couldn't answer these questions these damn tears were clogging me but I couldn't let them out.

_Jade baby we need to get up classes will be out soon_

She placed her arm around my back the single touch sent waves of nausea and pain pouring through my body. I cried out and the look on her face tore me apart. Tears poured down her face as she lifted me up. Somehow I managed to grab my locker while she held me up yanking it open she held me while I changed books.

My body couldn't stop shaking my crotch burned and I was dizzier then I had ever been.

The bell ringing sent a new wave of fear coursing through me. My arms gave out as I lifted them to get a book she was on me in seconds helping me. Students poured out in the halls. Tori's voice sent new waves of anger through me.

_Jade Here you are I was looking for you _

_I was wondering where you were!_

_We got paired together again in Sikowitz's class_

_Here I got you some coffee to cheer you up I know you don't want to be.._

Her constant chattering at her high squeaky annoying voice was giving me a whole new headache and then she did it...The strong aroma of Coffee which usually gave me orgasms now sent waves of vomiting straight from my stomach and up my throat. I groaned shoving my books in Cat's arms covering my mouth .

_Jadey!_

Cat called out but I didn't stop I shoved my way through the hall up the steps as my stomach assaulted me again.

Not so happy kids who I shoved yelled some very unpleasant things at me.

_Gank_

_Freak_

I ignored them shoving my way through the halls and into the bathroom as I collapsed into a stall uncovering my mouth as I heaved.


	19. Chapter 19 Was It Something To Say

**Was It Something I said?**

**Tori's p. o. v**

_Wh-at was it something I said?_

_I was trying to be nice Jade!_

I looked around at our friends as Jade took off covering her mouth. Robbie was with a open mouthed Rex who was staring at Jade's butt. Beck was sipping his coffee he shrugged looking at her as she ran off.

_Maybe she's giving up coffee_

Cat looked at him strange which just made me laugh.

_No baby you didn't do anything it's just Jade being dramatic_

I leaned into my boyfriend Andre's chest as he rubbed my hair breathing in his scent . Smiling I turned to him and our hands connected together.

_So baby how are you?_

Andre asked me grinning I turned my face up to him as the halls emptied again.

_A little tired Dre but I'm okay_

_Why you tired Tori baby?_

He kissed the top of my head brushing back my hair running his warm hands over my neck.

_Trina was having a singing competition with the neighborhood cats_

_Who won?_

_How can I tell they both sound alike_

_Well one cat did drop over dead so um.._

_That would explain her outfit today Tori it looks like she skinned a cat to get it_

I laughed so hard Andre had to hold me up leaning against him I closed my eyes while he wrapped his arms around me.

_My dad's all over me to.._

_Why's that ?_

_Were spending too much time together_

_He hasn't figured out that were dating has he?_

Andre ran his hands over my face looking into my eyes. When I came up I was blushing trying not to smile. Andre tapped my mouth making me grin.

_No not yet he's suspicious_

_Well no worries Tori were smoother then him_

He held me tighter

_Well be alright babe my moms going up to Alphine meadows this weekend wanna come?_

_Yeah sounds amazing_

_Your dad gonna be cool wit this?_

I sighed leaning my head against his chest as we swayed to invisible music. He kissed me I deepened the kiss closing my eyes sinking into his arms. His hands ran circles up and down my arms and back. We danced he lifted my spirits up. Who cares if my dad's cool with it? I love Andre and No one was going to tell me it's wrong no matter who they are.


	20. Chapter 20 Inside These Walls

**Inside These Walls**

**Cat p. o .v**

_Jad-ey_

I slowly walked inside inching my way into the bathroom where I could hear the heaving and vomiting which made me cringe . That's one thing I couldn't stand is vomit but I knew she would need help.

_Jadey its kitty I'm right here_

There's something about the sound of vomit that makes me feels sick myself its gross but the sound of Jade retching tore my heart in two.

Scurrying over to where Jade was kneeling on the floor pushing open the door my heart dropped she was on her butt leaning against the stall wall head over the bowel .

Picking her hair up I pulled it back she was pale, it scared me rubbing her back I tried to ease her pain as she coughed and threw up.

I can't even tell you how much time passed while I sat there my back growing stiff against the cold hard stall wall as she vomited over and over.

At some point I felt her crawl into my lap wordlessly her body shaking her eyes closed . Breathing uncontrollably I didn't ask her anything or expect explanations. I just held her ..held her close. Kissed the top of her head stroked her hair which was soaked in sweat. Ran my fingers over her shaky arms and her back as her coughing went from gagging on vomit to never ending tears pouring out of her body.

I didn't call her out on it I just held her pulling her up she didn't need me stating the obvious Jade West crying she needed comfort and love and reassurance. That she was safe and loved she was in my arms now and I would never let anyone hurt her. I would protect her from anyone and everyone.

Her crying broke my heart it was like someone had taken a fire poker and slammed it through my chest burning a hole right through my heart. Then poured salt all over it the salt was tearing through my blood vessels which had been left open to be victimized by the salt then ripped out and thrown out in the cold.

Her tears mixed with my tears rolling down.

Wetness..wetness it was my new home the tears had soaked through my shirt my own tears had made my hair stiff.

Her sweat had soaked through my pants it was a cold comfort. The one I gladly paid to relieve her of her burdens slowly she came around I helped her to sit up.

I wanted to scream seeing her struggle just to sit up her breathing had calmed down as I rocked her singing a sort of lullaby to her kissing her closed eyelids.

Taking off her hoodie I felt my breath take in bruises lined her arms and back big and nasty bruises they looked painful.

Black and purple she flinched at every movement which sent waves of fear through me. If her arms looked like this how did the rest of her body look?

_Cat no!_

She pushed my arms down when I tried to lift up her shirt she started shaking harder her eyes wide open in what ..what was that emotion?

Shame

Fear

Disgust

Whatever it is I wanted to smash it damn her father how could any man take pleasure in making their innocent sweet beautiful daughter feel so small and helpless.

Instead I nodded to let her know I wouldn't touch her force her to do anything she wasn't ready for. She relaxed slightly I put my arms back around her she laid her head on my chest.

Five more times she got sick I pulled her hair back washed her mouth out and rubbed her back during it wiping her sweat away.

Her secrets were safe with me I would never tell and she knew that she knew she could be as vulnerable as she wanted and I would never talk it was only her me and these walls and what was said inside these walls stayed in these walls.


	21. Chapter 21 Aint No One

**Ain't No One Got Time For That **

**Tori's p. o. v**

**2:20 pm**

**Lyrics To Look Down Owned by ****Herbert Kretzmer with a twist by me.**

_Look Down! Look Down!_

_Look Me in my eyes!_

_Because I am the greatest star of them all!_

_Look Down , Look Down!_

_You can try! Yes I dare you to try!_

_But You'll never be as pretty as me!_

Oh my head was pounding something fierce as I entered my house I was hoping for a nice peaceful quiet afternoon after the crazy day I had.

Mom was still at work dad was going to be late so Andre was coming over to help me study for our up coming math test but till then I just wanted to rest.

Trina however was making this impossible she was standing on the kitchen table dressed in some eye blinding glitzy outfit belting out a song that I use to recognize.

_Oh Trina really ?_

I held my head so much for getting any rest Trina jumped down dancing around spinning.

_Don't let your jealously consume you Tori _

_Someday I am going to have my own show Les Fabulous the outfits will be fantastic and sparkly and glitzy the lyrics will be lively and cheerful and all about me..unlike this depressing drab chiz Les miswhateveritiscalled happy the world can use a little happiness maybe the producers should talk to me I can lift that show up._

_Their not suppose to be happy Trina their homeless starving oppressed depressed their fighting in a war that they know their going to die in their selling their bodies they have no hope that's why it's called Les Miserables!_

_Ah there's always an excuse Tori _

_Well you know what Tori?_

_No What Trina?_

_Tell their excuses to my butt cause my face _

She motioned to her face like saying look at all this beauty

_It Don't care_

She snapped her fingers I sighed relief flooding through me as she stomped upstairs finally peace and quiet.

Collapsing on my bed I felt my eyelids closing as my back hit my bed covers.

First my dad starting with me earlier that morning mom ignoring us Trina being well Trina.

Then Being assigned to Jade what was he thinking? Why did I have to tell her? Of course it had to be the day she was the bitchiest of all didn't it? My head had started pounding in third period my stomach felt sick by fourth.

Then Jade and I got into that awful fight at lunch during 6th.what was with her today?

She'd been a raving bitch all day even more then normal and why was Cat chasing her today practically glued to her butt?

Then Robbie kept whining to me all day about how much he wanted to ask Cat out again but he was so scared she'd say no.

Then Cat and Jade disappeared after lunch. Beck was freaking out over it which made Andre all snappy and my head felt like it was going to explode.

The teachers took sick pleasure in piling on the homework today of course I felt like I was drowning. My head and stomach hurt so bad I hoped I wasn't getting the flu ain't no one had no time for that now.

Just a little rest and I would be good as new right?

_Dear Topi_

_OMG! I can't believe I fell asleep for two hours 2day what is wrong wit me? I had so much to do!_

_WTH ! I am so embarrassed Andre had to wake me up! Not that this was necessary a bad thing. I mean I never mind when my man wakes me up by kissing my whole body and running his smooth strong god I love those hands all over my body! It's the sweetest feeling to have his kisses trailing my body his touch awakens every sense in my body!_

_It's unreal how quite we have gotten when we make love I stopped being afraid of getting caught along time ago my parents are never home and Trina is wrapped up in Trina ville so were good but still a part of me is always on high alert. _

_Andre is so patient and kind so sweet so rough when were well you know god he is huge to! _

_But I love it I want it rough I want to feel him growing bigger in me I want to know I am making him happy. He's perfect I am so lucky!_

_I should be on cloud nine..but I can't..cause I'm scared.._

_We always use protection...but for the last week I've been nauseated, dizzy, tired, irritable I'm almost as bad as Jade [_ shudder_]._

_And I'm ..Oh chiz..I'm late! _

Thinking hard when was my last period? Swallowing I reached for my calender searching through it I felt my heart drop.

Oct 20th

Today was ...Dec 13th omg that meant I was over a month late.

I felt sick ...shaking my body suddenly went numb as I grabbed my purse I needed answers and fast.

My nerves were in full swing as I went to the bus stop and took two buses to get to a clinic that was far enough away from home and school.

I jumped at every sound every movement my visions were even playing tricks on me..that couldn't be..

Cat and Jade?

My eyes locked on the girl who I thought was Cat she wrinkled her forehead picking up her head ..the other girl had her head on the red head's shoulder she looked beaten down..No way Jade would never crumble like that ...I couldn't risk being seen to see if it was them. I sucked behind a pillar as I eyed them.

Inside the exam room I felt cold and alone a new set of fears washed over me what would happen if I was..No I couldn't be...

I tried to think pleasant thoughts as the Dr did his exam which was embarrassing and unpleasant I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

I laid there for I have no clue how long just imagining my life crumbling before me. Trina would love it mom would disown me if she even paid attention long enough to care. Dad..oh Poor Andre dad would kill him..Andre what would he say?

_Mrs. Vega_

I blinked as the Dr came in I rose clutching my chest as tears poured out my heart was beating so fast I felt dizzy and sick.

_Yes Dr?_

My voice was even shaking .

_I have your test results here and you are ..._

**Hate me now? Cliff hanger..Lol..**


	22. Chapter 22 Just Me

**Just Me**

**Tori's p. o. v**

**Earlier in the day 3rd pr **

_Jade Why are you such a gank?_

The question came from Rex I was trying to stifle my laughter as I leaned against Andre's shoulder while we waited for class to start. I wanted to laugh so hard I almost peed myself. I expected blood and I didn't want it to be mine so I buried my face in his shoulder. Which he didn't mind as he wrapped his strong arms around me kissing my neck.

Cat squeaked out as Jade grabbed Robbie's collar pulling him close he squeaked looking at Cat for help but she looked down chewing on her hair making a face.

Jade's voice was low and menacing as she lowly hissed out.

_If you value your life or your dumb ass puppets life you'll shut the hell up_

_Now back the hell up sit your butt in that chair!_

She pointed to his chair as he nodded falling on his butt as she released him. I caught her flinch as she lowered her arms I thought I saw a look of pain cross over her face but it was gone in seconds as she glared at him.

Robbie was shaking so hard his glasses were rattling he scrambled to get up and fell twice as she stepped towards him he dropped Rex who grunted calling him a bumbling loser. Then he held Rex so close he yelled he was being suffocated as Jade kicked his seat with him in it she screamed out almost primitive as she yelled at him.

_Leave me alone!_

_Don't touch me don't talk to me don't even look at me or I swear I will make you miserable!_

The final bell rung but everyone was afraid to move kids were clustered in the back and sides as close as possible to stay away from her Andre was holding me so close I could feel his heart beat. Our teacher Mr. Gradstein came inside clapping he's one of the strictest teachers here and everyone even Jade is a little afraid of him.

_The bell has rung people that means mouths are to be shut pencils and books are to be out and your butts are to be seated!_

_So why aren't the mouths shut and the butts sitting?_

_Yes Puppet boy that means you to and even you Miss. West_

Her fist was clenched so tightly her face so red I thought she was having a meltdown But Cat placed her hand on her shoulder. She calmed down instantly and followed Cat back to their seats.

The whole class I had to pee so badly even though I had just peed before this class and during the last one.

My head was feeling so light I could barely see even Cat kept looking at me asking softly if I was okay.

By lunch time I was dragging dropping my stuff I collapsed in my seat putting my head down as I called out.

_Oh thank god I can sit!_

Jade grunted as she glared at me not eating her bowl of rice which she was playing with.

_What's your problem Vega?_

_You get tired from staring at yourself in the mirror?_

She mocked me in that stupid accent that sounds nothing like how I talk. It made my blood boil but I kept my mouth shut after all she was just being Jade.

She was on a roll though and not letting up. Brushing my hair back I took a deep breath my stomach rising fast.

Jade- _Oh Pretty perfect me I have everything_

_I have nothing to complain about cause I have a mommy and daddy who love me_

_I am the talented smart sister I have a perfect stinking life I just love little ol me_

_Aw Why the sad frown Vega did mommy forget to pack your gold encrusted lunch box?_

I finally snapped slamming my fist down on the table screaming out.

_Shut up Jade!_

Cat screamed crying as she jumped up from the table I stood eye to eye with Jade I was steaming but damn her eyes were so cold so hard they made me tremble it was like she just didn't give a damn about anyone right now. She was pissed at something and everyone was going to be her target of release. Well it wasn't going to be me not today.

_You know nothing about me or my effing life _

She didn't flinch she just stared through me her voice like ice.

_Oh please Vega everyone at Hollywood Arts knows you live in a rich house_

_With perfect parents you have more money then anyone could dream your thin you know your beautiful_

_Well I don't think so _

_I think your an ugly cunt faced little rat who can't sing worth spit but who cares what I think or feel right?_

Beck tried to step in between us Andre put his arm over my shoulder but I pushed it away as I advanced to her.

Beck tried to grab Jade but she spun and slapped him turning to him.

_Don't touch me ever! I didn't give you permission!_

_Get off of me!_

He tried to hold onto her but she pushed him off with strength I didn't know she had. She was as red faced as I felt her breathing just as rapid as mine. It was scary how angry she had gotten everyone was watching us.

_Don't take it out on me because _

_Beck saw what a crazy hot mess bitch you are Jade_

_He dumped you smartest move he ever did get over it_

_No one will ever love a gank like you you dad hates you your mom who the hell knows when she wised up and threw you away but good for her no one wants a bitter angry self absorbed slut who can't keep her mouth or legs shut! _

She screamed out charging me but Beck grabbed her as Andre put himself in front of me Cat screamed covering her face as she spun and smacked into Robbie's chest he wrapped his arms around her she was shaking so hard.

Cat cried out pleading with us her eyes over flowing with tears.

_Don't fight please!_

_Can't you just talk it out please I love you both!_

_Rainbows! Butterflies! Bunnies! Think peaceful things!_

Her tears overflowed as Beck groaned Jade's elbow had gotten him right in his rib cage she kicked him and swatted at him. I felt myself picked up by Andre as I tried to go after her as she charged me.

_Tori calm down!_

Andre carried me over his shoulder as I waved my fists out While Jade chased me screaming she was going to kill me .

Andre put me down once we were in the janitors closet and it was locked I was fuming.

_Who does she think she is Andre?_

_Who cares Tori baby? _

He tried to calm me down rubbing my shoulders gently but firmly pushing me against the wall but I was breathing hard and pissed off.

_I do Andre I care ! She attacked me for no reason!_

I was still shouting pushing him off but he held me steady grabbing my hands kissing them as soon as I looked in his eyes I started to melt. He was telling me he understood and he got why I was so upset he was supporting me by getting me out of the room.

_We all know Jade is a psychopath who needs mental help _

_She is obviously upset over something today and she's lashing out on you_

_She's pushing you to get you upset she's doing what she _

_Always does it's what she knows just be you and do what Tori needs to do. _

_Don't play into her hands_

_Be the bigger person _

I sighed letting him embrace me muttering.

_What if I don't want to be the bigger person?_

I pouted he laughed shaking his head replying sweetly.

_Do it anyway _

_Why should I Dre?_

_Cause I will reward you with..._

Before he could say I pulled him to me kissing him passionately as we swayed to our own music. Maybe he was right maybe I just needed to let Jade cool off she was hurting over something and as we swayed with our eyes closed and I calmed down I started to worry what could make her so full of hate and anger she lashed out like this? We always had our issues but she was never down right cruel. What got into me anyway? I was never that bitchy! I was way past defensive I hit her where it hurt I saw the look pass over her face as I mentioned her parents did I take it too far? What was wrong with me?

I needed to let things cool off and find her later and talk to her even if she shunned me I had to just be me and try to be the peace maker.

First though I needed to take care of my man who took such good care of me.

I leaned up and kissed him soft but full of love and thanks.

**How was everyone's weekend? Is anybody else still loving Ariana's The Way? Anxious for Liz to release music? I wanna hear it. Follow me on twitter mileycfan4eva samandcat4eva samandcatareone grandenonna jmmcfan let me know what you think and what you want to see ..and if you wanna be kind leave a little review ...Thanks.**


	23. Chapter 23 Comforting The kitty

**Robbie's p.o.v**

**Comforting The Kitty**

**[A/N] Owning nothing except my sadness over not owning anything bold italic is Rex plain italic is Robbie.**

"_Cat..._

I called out softly easing my way into the darkened Black-box Theater why did she have to run all the way in here? She knows how creepy it is in here as on cue a mouse like sound caused me to jump and scream.

_**Loser you are worse then a girlie girl **_

Rex shock his head snarling on me bowing his head in shame. My face flushed as I looked around what the heck had made that sound?

_**Probably your guts dropping from your butt oh wait you never had any to lose!**_

_Shut-up Rex_

_**No way I am on a roll!**_

_I'll roll You right out this door if you don't.._

_Ow! Why did you slap me? That hurt!_

_**You hurt my brain Robbie or should I call you Roberta?**_

_How about if I call you child-hood history _

_**No! You promised you would never put me away!**_

_You promised me you would stop insulting me!_

_**I did not!**_

_Did to Rex!_

_**Liar!**_

_Who's there? _Cat's timid voice called out Making my heart leap and squeeze she sounded so scared so small. Where was she hiding? Slowly I crept through the room.

_**Hey genius why don't you turn on a light duh**! _

Rex rolled his eyes I glared at him but secretly thought that wasn't a bad idea not that I would ever let him know.

_I don't need light Cat is my light and guide _

_I will find my baby and make sure she is okay_

_Ow! _I cried out as I tripped over something and went flying head first into god knows what.

_**I hate to Say I told you so but..**_

_So don't say it..._

_**I told you so **_

_I told you not to say it_

_Who's there! I have a _

_I'm not afraid to use it!_

Cat's voice was even more afraid now I felt so bad for her I should of spoken earlier and calmed her down.

_Cat it's me.._

_Who's me? I'm not talking to myself so it's not me_

_Me as in Robb-_

_**Roberta!**_

_My name is not Roberta _

_**Well it should be cause you are such a girl**_

_Shut-up Rex_

_Ow you slapped me again_

_**You told me to shut-up your rude**_

_I'm rude!_

_Go away! I want to be alone! _

Cat's voice seemed stronger angrier what had I done? Finally I reached the top of the catwalk inching my way over it where was she hiding?

_I'm sick of people yelling and fighting why can't everyone just get along!_

_Go away! _

Cat called out tearfully it was hard to swallow knowing I had contributed to her hurt and anger feeling my way against the wall my head span. I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind. Why was she so scared and so hurt? Jade and Tori always fight! She never reacted this badly before. I could feel her trembling through the wall.

_Ah_!

I fell through the wall both of us screaming as I fell into her she was so small in a little ball curdled up head in her knees.

I scrambled up dropping Rex in the corner.

_**Hey you bum you lied again don't …**_

Rex was cut off by me taking Cat in my arms as she cried over and over .

_Cat it's okay they stopped fighting _

_Don't lie to me Robbie it's not nice_

Why did everyone think I was lying today? Momma told me lying is bad when I was like two. I didn't lie .I always wanted to make her and dad proud so why would people think I would lie?

_I'm not lying Cat_

Cat scared me even more when she looked at me her eyes wide with shock, horror I wasn't sure what else. She started shaking again as she buried herself in herself rocking back and forth the minute I tried to touch her she freaked out slapping me away jumping up trying to run away.

_No...No..No..No.._

Adjusting my glasses from where they landed after she slapped me I jumped up trying to figure out what was going on.

_Cat what's wrong I thought that would make you happy?_

_No..No..No.. _

_Cat what is going on?_

_If they stopped fighting that means Tori's dead!_

_I liked her she was really sweet Jade would never stop fighting unless one of them died!_

_Cat oh no sweetie she's fine.._

Cat screamed slapping me again what was with her? Why was she hitting me? Why was she screaming Tori wasn't dead.

She looked like I had just told her someone killed her cat.

_Why are you crying? Tori's fine.._

_Jadey! Jadey my best friend! _

_I know what a gank right I mean what is with her why did she attack Tori like that_

_Ow!_

Okay maybe I earned that one slap but still she was so upset why? I grabbed her when she tried to escape.

_Cat stop!_

_No get away from me don't touch me!_

_Cat stop freaking out! _

_What's that suppose to mean?_

_I'm not mental!_

_Stop being so mean to me!_

_I'm not!_

_Yes you are Robbie your lying to me!_

_Cat listen calm down!_

_Calm down Jade's dead! How can I calm down!_

_Don't tell me to_

I smashed my lips against hers pressing her against the wall. Arms above her head as our bodies melted together.

**[A/N] Love the Grande's visit my website which is under construction and spread the word please **


	24. Chapter 24 Beyond the Face

**Beyond The Face**

**Beck's p. o. v**

"_Put me down!_

_Damn you Beck!_

Jade's fist were pounding against my back as I carried her out from the cafe where everyone was watching them go at it.

There was nothing that I could say to calm her down so I kept quiet even as she screamed at me pounding my back what the heck had gotten into those two?

_I'm calling the cops this is abduction!_

_Sure Jade call the cops then Tori can have you charged with harassment _

My eyes rolled back in my head.

_Where are we going?_

_Damn you! Put me dow...ah..._

She screamed as I let her down almost losing her balance as she landed on her feet swaying. I flicked a light on at our detestation the black box theater.

Shaking her head she looked around before her eyes landed on me .

_What the hell Beckett! _

_What gives you the right to assault and kidnap me_ !

_What gives you the right to go after Tori!_

_Everything! She went after me!_

_No she didn't Jade you started with her!_

_What business is it of yours? Beckett? NONE!_

_You dumped me you chose to end our relationship when you let me walk out that door!_

_You left me standing there by myself you broke my heart you don't get to order me around carry me or scold me!_

_You gave up all your rights so leave me alone go defend your little perfect princess Tori! _

_Jade this isn't about Tori it's about you something is going on with you and were all worried_

_Well stop being worried you don't have to be_

_I'm fine I've been taking care of myself long before you came into the scene I'll be fine _

_Long after your gone_

_Jade Your not fine_

_Don't tell me what I am!_

_Your not my mom or my dad_

_Your nothing Beck Nothing!_

_Jade calm down_

_Stop telling me what to do!_

She was starting to hyperventilate and her voice was getting louder and louder her face going from a ghostly pale to a bright red shade. Her fists were being clenched and unclenched pounding her right into her left. I was trying not to lose control but she was so infuriating sometimes.

_Admit your not okay something is wrong your acting even more.._

_Even more what Beck?_

Damn it she cornered me her eyes were borrowed into mine icy and cold and pissed.

Taken a deep breath brushing my hair back I studied her she was shaking from anger and I sensed fear. I knew Jade very well I knew how she thinks feels, acts. I know every inch of that beautiful intoxicating body.

She was scared of me finding out something what it was it was beyond me she was always so secretive it drove me crazy it was one of many problems in our whole relationship she was so possessive and insecure and jealous it drove me crazy but worse was the secrets she just wouldn't let me fully in.

Her body tensed as she glared at me moving in a slow circle. Her eyes never left me she was challenging me I started it now, I had to finish it or I could just hear her response.

_What I meant...Something is going on Jade your lashing out your getting physical for no reasons_

_No reason? Tori's the biggest hypocritical bitch that ever lived she thinks she's perfect she acts like _

_Her shit don't stink well trash is trash no matter where it lives all garbage smells _

_She's not trash Jade_

_Of course you would say so beck we all know how much you wanted to get in her pants_

_Well go ahead were done we've been done!_

_Oh wait she's with your best friend oh that must burn!_

She laughed loudly clapping doubled over I felt my face burn as I glared at her yea she hit a sore spot it wasn't a secret that I liked Tori and wanted to be with her but she fell for Andre and I would never get in the way of their happiness. Andre was a good man and a great friend. He even asked me for permission to ask her out.

_Yea go ahead laugh it up_

_Oh I am Beck believe me I am it's just too good_

_I see beyond this Jade_

_Beyond what? Get off of it Beck there's nothing going on I'm just sick of queen Tori getting everything_

_What's everything Jade? What did Tori get that makes you so mad?_

_Are you serious?_

_Yes Jade I am serious Tori's a really sweet , caring, funny, amazingly talented, smart, beautiful girl_

_Oh don't stop gushing on my account Beckett_

I didn't even respond expect to roll my eyes which she didn't miss.

_Don't roll your eyes at me! _

_She's a bitch she's always stealing from me_

_Stealing what Jade? She won't even go near you she's terrified of you everyone here is terrified of you! _

_Even the rats won't crawl near you!_

_Yea that's a shame I need more rat blood for my collection it's running dry_

I felt a chill pass over me as she sharpened her nails looking dead at me those eyes again they did things to me I could feel myself getting hard just by being under her gaze. There was something sexy in her state of darkness.

Damn her she had gotten me off subject again damn she's good at that! No, No she wasn't going to distract me.

_Tori _

_I'm sick of Saying hearing or discussing anything with Tori drop it Beck_

_No Jade I won't drop it_

_Well I'm done discussing it I'm..._

She pushed to get past me but I grabbed her arm apparently too hard cause she cried out in pain as I pulled her to me.

_Get off me! Jerk!_

She shoved me hard the sudden cry and look of pain and fear on her face caused me to freeze and lose my balance.

_Why can't you just leave me alone!_

Instantly she jumped up to leave but her knees buckled and she was propelled forward clutching her stomach.

I froze watching the whole scene play out before me what was wrong? How did she get hurt? My mind was just as frozen as my feet.

Her breathing was fast paced as she tried to pull herself up crying out in pain her once beat like face now sheet white.

_Jade!_

I called out to her but as I reached for her she found her strength and ran out of the door one hand over her stomach. I pitied anyone who got in her way.

**[A/N] New website under construction for The Grande Family pls help spread the word to Frankie and Ariana. I love them so much I would die for them.**


	25. Chapter 25 Listen To The Rain

**Listen To The Rain**

**Jade's p. o. v**

Rushing into the nearest bathroom I felt a fresh wave of dizziness over powering me the sharpness of the swinging doors scared 3 girls all standing at the sink looking at themselves in the mirrors screaming they all turned to see what had caused the out burst as soon as they saw it was me they ran screaming out insults. Ignoring them I rushed into the farthest stall what the hell was happening?

My chest hurt so bad from the onset of cramps. I had never experienced something so horrible in my life collapsing to my knees. I heaved into the bowel pain hitting me like sharp knives twisting into my very soul reaching into every muscle and tissue cutting my flesh and tearing it out.

Nothing came up even imagines from earlier the feel of his breath on my face the slimy repulsive remembrance of his touch on my skin the pain of him ripping into my woman hood nothing made my stomach came up the urge to vomit the gag reflect was all there the pain was unending but nothing came up.

Tears clogged my throat my face was hot my body cold as I stood shaking pain preventing me from standing all the way just the start of standing caused a new wave sending tremors and sickness through my whole body as I felt something gush between my legs it was a sickening loud messy noise. I felt the wetness cascading down my legs. The sudden mixture of coldness and warmth caused me to shiver.

What the hell was happening? Why did I have such a strong urge to pee? I could barely move but I managed to pull my skirt up and force myself to hover over the bowel.

Dizziness over took me as I forced the cry down it burned I mean it felt like someone had taken a blow torch turned it up to 1,000 and blasted it straight up my private.

How I kept from crying is almost impossible to explain but I thought of Cat her sweet innocent cheerful face and her laughter which was like rain soft and comforting. I listened to it in my mind. It stiffed the urge to cry and scream as everything burned out of me.

I was shaking so bad when I stood to clean myself I almost couldn't finish but I had to I didn't look I didn't dare look down or back just pulled my panties up and skirt down reached back shakily and flushed as I stumbled to the sink.

I was deathly pale I couldn't keep an even breathing pace what the hell was happening? Why did it burn so bad? What had poured out of me? Why did it feel like acid?

Maybe I could die it would be a release. I felt funny I can't even explain as I stood looking in the mirror at the shell of a person I use to be that stood before me. I felt the tears slide out just a little what had happened to me? When did I become this giant Goliath of a bitch that no one wanted to be around. When did I become so hardened that I didn't even notice when Cat ran away she was always my first thought when I woke and when I slept but somehow today she had slipped right past me.

I use to be a happy loving little girl the one that would chase bunnies and was always laughing when I was young, I use to love looking up at the stars and naming them. I imagined rainbows so colorful that if I closed my eyes and believed it long enough I could feel their rays touching down on me.

When I was little I use to love meeting new people I would always run up to them giggling and smiling they would tell my mom how cute I was in my little pink and white sundress with my hair in pigtails.

They said when I smiled I was so beautiful it made their hearts and eyes hurt it was so bright it could light up any dark room and my eyes were always bright and full of laughter.

Mom was always yelling at me not to trust strangers but I did I had no reason to fear or hate them in my pre-school I was always bubbly and sweet I had so many friends I couldn't even name them all but I never stopped trying.

I can see it all so clearly they play out in my eyes dancing across the mirror in front of me, I can see the girl I use to be she's so close I could reach out and touch her.

I see her with her light brown / tinted blond hair in pigtails her head half turned as she looks at something in the distance she's straining to see what's behind her and what's ahead. She's so cute and so sweet she has pink and purple ribbons in her tails their twisted in bows. She has a checkered pink and yellow baseball uniform on she's sucking on a lollipop it's pink lemonade flavored it must have been good. I don't remember my breathing is coming so fast now it hurts to even take a breath. I can feel myself passing out but I hold on what is she searching for? I want to call to her where is she?

I see so much sky bright blue open sky filled with sweet air ..it's taunting me. Air I fucking need it so bad but I can't grasp it...puffy white clouds floating by...I cry out...it hurts to stand I feel weak.

I grip the sink harder .Searching forever searching ..I'm in a field... there's flowers all around...bright perfume scented flowers so colorful I want to hold them. There's something holding me back.

I hear her calling to me who is she? She's a voice inside my head she's warning me I can hear her...my heart is beating so fast I'm scared but I shouldn't be should I?

I was seven … I was at our baseball game Cat and I had joined the Township League Cat was obsessed with baseball Justice was on a team she wanted to do everything he did but she was scared to do it alone she was so shy she didn't make friends easy and I was so bubbly so when she begged me to join, I had no desire to join but it meant so much to her and who could say no to her sweet innocent face? Not me I said yes then when I got out there I discovered how much I loved it.

Mom was working late again we were in the 7th inning stretch we were winning but it was a hard fought battle. It was a clear beautiful day...the sun was out the birds were chirping but I was mad because mom wasn't there no one was not for me. Cat's whole family was there with banners posters a mega-speaker but not one person came out to support me. I was crushed I fought tears back the whole time.

Cat was by my side but she was so caught up in the game and her family even she felt a million miles away.

I wandered off momma always told me don't wander off...but momma wasn't there so why should I do what she said? No one noticed when I walked off why should they? I wasn't important enough for anyone to show up for so why should anyone care If I went missing?

_Jade Come with me you look so pretty sweetie_

I recognized his voice even before I looked up .. I smiled wide he wasn't around much back then he was off fighting over seas but when he came back he always treated me with sweets and popcorn.

_You did awesome out there Jadelyn I am so proud of you I told everyone what a sweet girly girl I had back home and everyone said how cute you looked._

_I told them you were tougher then you looked and no one believed me but now I got it on video you kicked butt out there today that was a great homer you scored brought your team right up!_

I didn't say anything he was a stranger to me in almost every way and momma always told me not to talk to strangers. His eyes looked kind he looked tired and dirty he must of just come in from the war.

He extended his hand to me showing me the bag of popcorn it was my favorite candy coated pink lemonade sounds nasty but it was amazing. I didn't take it right away.

He sensed my hesitation kneeling in front of me he smiled and looked into my eyes.

_Jadelyn my dear it's okay I know you don't know me and that's my fault but that's going to change the Army discharged me so I'm going to be home now we can spend lots of time together._

_Your mom said it's okay if I take you home and she said you can have a little popcorn I saved the text message so you can see it._

I eyed him my arms still crossed over my chest as he looked at me sadly he wanted to be my friend he wanted me to trust him. I leaned forward ever so slightly he smiled as I was drawn closer to him. I saw the message.

_Jade darling it's okay to go with Jack he'll bring you home after your game try to be nice to him I know you have a lot of anger but he's off protecting our country cut him some slack and yes you can eat the popcorn but only a little you must eat dinner. _

_Be good my love listen to what he says Jade! I love you and will see you tonight Love Mommy_

Her name and number was there it looked real she even put in our fav symbol a heart so I smiled and took his hand.

He gave me the popcorn it was soft and buttery and tasted amazing.

_I use to play here as a kid to Jadelyn you want me to show you some spots I loved hide and seek _

_Sure sounds fun Jack_

_It will be honey oh it will be..._

"_Don't go Jade Listen to me!_

I span around who said that? Was it Cat? Where was she? Why didn't she want me to go? I was confused. Was it even real?

We went farther into the woods then I had ever ventured but I wasn't scared I had Jack and he protected our country that was a hard job right? I mean I was only 7. I didn't know what it meant but it sounded big hard and dangerous.

So he could protect me right?

He lead me into what looked like a bathroom I was confused. I looked up at him.

_I thought we were going to see your hiding spots?_

_We are Jadelyn but first you need to pee it's a long way and there's no bathrooms beyond this_

_But I need to get back to the game_

_It's okay I talked to coach he said since you did so well you could get a break_

_I don't need to pee I went already_

_Try just in case_

_I don't need to go!_

_Jadelyn it's okay just sit and try_

Why wouldn't he listen? I knew my body but he was insisting on it. Do what he said mommy said so reluctantly I did I looked at him I was 7. I didn't need someone watching me go I could do it on my own thank you very much.

_Turn around please I need privacy _

He sighed shaking his head muttering.

_So young yet so independent_

I glared at him not sure what that was suppose to mean but whatever I sat and tried to go but I knew I didn't have to.

_See I told you I didn't have to go_

Before I could pull my pants up he whipped around he looked mad I felt myself shaking. His hand reached up. I braced myself thinking he was going to slap me but instead he grabbed me and pulled me to him smashing his lips to mine.

I tried to push him away but he was so strong my arms felt like they were on fire he was holding me so tight. Why was he putting his lips on mine? It didn't feel right.

_Jadelyn I am so happy to be home with you I want to show you something_

_It's how we say we love someone in the culture I just visited that's one way it's very normal over there_

_It doesn't feel normal Jack it feels nasty_

_Your young you have a lot to learn Jadelyn but I am going to show you_

_You have to be patient and this has to stay between us it's just for us okay?_

I didn't want to agree but mom said I had to respect him and listen.

_Just close your eyes Jadelyn and let me guide you then I will show you how to play okay?_

_Ye...s..s..s..s..s..J..a..c..k_

I was cold with no pants on and I was scared but I shouldn't of been.

I did what he said I felt his rough calloused hand taking my little soft one he pulled it to him I heard him stand up .

_Don't open your eyes Jadelyn till I say to okay?_

_Okay Jack_

He pulled it and slide it over something it was dry and limp it felt nasty cold he started running my hand up and down it and I felt it starting to get bigger and harder what the hell was it? He started making noises why was he grunting and groaning? He ran it up and down over and over the shape was like one I had never held before it was creeping me out I tried not to cry I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I wanted it to be over.

Suddenly I felt something wet all over my hand I was shaking but he let out a sigh and seemed to relax then I felt him take my hand and slide it to my mouth the most god awful taste filled my mouth and I gagged.

_Shh Jadelyn it's okay it's a present you made me so happy I had to give it to you drink it and swallow don't think about it. I'm going to make you feel a whole lot better keep your eyes closed baby girl._

I gagged and felt like I was going to throw up but he held his hand over my mouth till I swallowed and kept it down.

I kept my eyes closed what could I think about? I had to think of something what about that new song Cat had sang it yesterday and she sounded so pretty what was it?

I gasped as he touched me down there what was he doing?

He wasn't suppose to touch me there no one was not without my permission. He seemed to be enjoying himself he was touching me and running his hand along my private spot tears burned my eyes but I held it inside. I gripped the wall as he shoved a finger inside of me. It hurt so bad.. I kept my eyes closed as he kept pulling his finger in and out of me while he moaned and kissed me down there. It was gross and I felt dirty.

Cat's voice she was always calming to me conjure up her voice...

I remembered the day before it had been raining and we were trapped inside and I was mad I wanted to play but she sat and enjoyed the rain she told me that even the rain had a story and a reason for why it was there and I needed to listen she kept singing it..

_**Listen Listen Listen..**_

I didn't want to listen to the stupid rain I wanted to go out and play.

Her voice though it drew you in she had her eyes closed she looked so pretty just sitting against the sill eyes closed swaying to the beat of the rain and her own tune.

_**Listen to each drop**_

_**Whispering secrets in vain**_

_**Frantically searching for someone to hear**_

_**Their story before they hit the ground**_

"_Cat they don't have secrets their just drops of water_

_Jade their more then that close your eyes and you'll hear them _

_This is stupid but fine whatever I'm bored_

I did what she said but I heard nothing except the patterning of rain drops against the house.

_**Please don't let go **_

_**Can't you stay for awhile**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye**_

_That one there her name is Patty she came from New Jersey she's only 10 she's lost she got separated from her parents she's trying to find her way home._

_Who would want to go to Jersey? Uh _

_Jade be nice_

_What? _

_That one his name is Josh he came from a long way 2,000 years ago he's a time traveler he's here to warn us about the future._

_Sure Cat whatever you say_

_**Listen to the rain**_

_**Listen to the rain**_

_**Weeping**_

_Her name is Cindy and she's 25 she's getting married tomorrow but she's scared to leave home and go on her own she's marrying Tom and he's gentle and handsome but she doesn't want to lose her parents._

Slowly I closed my eyes as she talked and sang something came over me I felt drawn into this world she had created.

I could hear their pain and struggles feel their hopes and dreams.

_**I stand alone in a storm**_

_**Suddenly sweet words take a hold**_

_**' Hurry they say" For You haven't got much time**_

_**Open your eyes to the love around you**_

I did I saw Cat's sweet gentle face her eyes slightly open as she looked out the window I looked down and I felt it before I saw it her hand resting comfortingly in mine. I smiled and leaned my head back as I watched the rain drops dance around outside each having their own story to tell.

_**You may feel your alone**_

_**But I'm here still with you**_

_**You can do what you dream**_

_**Just remember to listen to the rain**_

_**Listen Listen Listen**_

I felt my legs buckle as something came out of me it was wet and cold I looked up shaking he was smiling as he pulled his face from out from under me.

_You did very well Jadelyn good girl_

_Good girls will be rewarded_

_Now I want you to taste how sweet you are_

His mouth once again covered mine I felt like vomiting again it wasn't sweet it was nasty. That had come out of me? What was wrong with me? Why did I taste so nasty?

_Remember this is our secret Jadelyn you must never tell or you will be a bad girl_

_You don't want the punishment bad girls get do you?_

Before I could speak he had me over his knee's and he was smacking my butt I cried out it was so cold and raw it stung and brought tears to my eyes.

I felt his hand caressing me.

_I'm sorry Jadelyn but I had to show you how bad it feels to be punished so what are you going to be?_

He pulled me up I held back my tears shaking as I looked around.

There was pee all over the floor so that's what had come out of me oh did this mean I was bad?

I was a big girl I was suppose to go in the toilet I hadn't had an accident since I was two what did this mean?

_I'll be a good girl I promise_

_Good baby and what does it mean to be a good girl?_

My voice was shaking as I looked at the pee scared.

_It means I keep this secret it's between us_

_Good girl _

_Jack am I going to be punished?_

_Why would you say that? You haven't left you couldn't tell anyone yet _

He laughed still kneeling by my bare bottom holding me kissing my legs making me feel slimy I pointed to the mess.

_Not this time Jadelyn_ _ it was a reaction to the wonderful new secret but next time you must control yourself more carefully. Okay?_

_Okay_

_One more thing Jadelyn_

_Yes Jack?_

_From now on call me by my proper name_

_I thought Jack was your real name?_

_Jack is my first name but my proper name is Daddy_

_So call me Daddy it's our secret just daddy and his little girl_

_Now pull your pants up and go out and play I'm sure Catrina is looking for you_

I ran as fast as I could but the minute I got outside I was on slaughtered with the worst rainstorm I had ever seen in all my seven years.

I stood alone in the rain spinning around tears falling from my face joining in the rain soaking up the drops now I had my own story to tell.

Where would my drops fall next? Would someone ever take the time to hear my story?

"I looked down memories so strong shaking me to the core...what was it between my legs? Did I pee again? I hadn't done that again not since..I was Seven..

It wasn't pee..

Unless pee was now bright red...my hands slipped I tried to hold on I called out but the little girl was gone now drifted off in a faded memory..

Where was she? Would I ever get her back?

Blackness over took me...I was okay with that.

_**Lyrics belong to Amy Lee from her song Listen To The Rain.**_

**New website for the Grande family please visit and spread the word to Ariana and Frankie and Joan Thank You.**


	26. Chapter 26 Belief

**Cat's P.O.V**

**Belief **

" Robbie is going to die! I couldn't believe what a pig he was "Yes!" who answers yes to a question like Tori asked? Not someone who truly cares about someone else feelings. You don't brag about making out with someone you claim to be madly in love with,

I couldn't stop the disgusting crawl going up my body was that all I was to him? A way to score? Did I mean that little to him?

Hot tears prickled my eyes quickly I wiped them away why cry over a loser? That's all Robbie was a loser he wasn't worth my time definitely not my tears.

I didn't want anyone to see me crying over him I would never live it down .Hurrying to the bathroom I looked around to make sure no one was watching.

It shouldn't hurt I mean I didn't even think he was all that cute. Still it hurt and a fresh new wave of tears fell damn you Robbie! Why would you admit that? Why couldn't you think how it would make me feel?

Creaking open the door I looked straight ahead no one.

_Jade!_

I called out firm but soft I needed to talk to Jade so bad she would know how to deal with this shame and guilt she'd probably kill him for hurting me.

Where was she? Why did she run off? Was she okay? Questions riddled through my brain .

The acoustics in the bathroom are so amazing I could make a home there as long as no one flushed it it would be a perfect studio.

_Jade!_

No Answer still my heart raced when I went around the corner my heart dropped.

Jade my sweet Jade was laying motionless under a sink soaked in her own splattered blood .

Blood her blood it was all over pooled around her legs back arms on the sink floor and walls her eyes were closed she was colorless and her breathing...wait was she even breathing?

I screamed falling to my knees crawling to her.

_Jade_

She Had to breathe...she couldn't die! Why had she done this to herself? Why didn't she call me?

I would've come tears poured down my own face breathing became erratic I couldn't stop screaming it echoed yea those acoustics rocked grabbing her I pulled her to me thank god she was breathing!

Barely.

I had to find out where she was bleeding from I had to stop it. I started feeling her legs where did she cut herself? There was so much damn blood I couldn't see any cuts. I checked her arms what did she cut herself with? I didn't see any scissors or razors laying around ,no knives.

Oh god Jade why?

Why didn't you tell me baby?

Why did you let Tori push you this far? Grabbing at her clothes I searched everywhere.

My hands traveled all over her body and tears kept falling so I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I prayed and I prayed hard.

_Dear God_

_I know you are busy and I have no right to ask you for you have been good patience and generous with me you've provided me with shelter food love talent and courage to go after my dreams an amazing family who loves and adores and encourages me friends who understand me and love me when they don't. Thank you for that for my health ._

_My belief in you is almighty_

_My love forever strong_

_I trust in you Lord above_

_Now I am trusting you asking you begging you please keep Jade safe she is my heart and soul my best friend. _

_I need her I love her please stay with her._

_Love Cat Valentine_

Why was I telling god my name? He's god he knows who I am he knew me before I knew me before I was born he has our destines in our hands planned out before we are born right? So what did he plan for Jade?

**Thanks to all my awesome reviewers and subscribers you rock. ****Website For The Grande family under construction.**


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